


For want of a nail (and a collapsed floor)

by dragoneyes



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Benevolent Stalking, Comedy, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Invasion of Privacy, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, chat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25803730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragoneyes/pseuds/dragoneyes
Summary: It turns out, sometimes you just need the will of God (or, you know, almost getting flattened by a collapsing floor) to stop going at each other's throats.
Relationships: Hakuba Saguru & Hattori Heiji, Hakuba Saguru/Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid, Hattori Heiji/Tooyama Kazuha
Comments: 69
Kudos: 154





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit this took a lot more work to code than I previously assumed it would.  
> In spite of what the first chapter may lead you to believe, this fic is not supposed to be taken seriously at all. It was just me, having fun making up dialogues without having to deal with the bane of my existence: descriptions.  
> It's just that sometimes you need some drama, some angst, and some pain, before you can actually get to the fun parts.
> 
> Chats have been color-coded for readability purposes, depending on whose phone is currently being viewed:  
> Saguru's: ochre/golden  
> Heiji's: green  
> Aoko's: light blue  
> Kaito's: violet/indigo  
> Conan/Shinichi's: dark blue
> 
> I would also like to personally thank the 12-hour clock system for completely obliterating my sanity when I had to deal with the "midnight vs noon debacle". I will never use you ever again.
> 
> For the chats I used [this code right here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6434845/chapters/14729722) with some additional tweaking to allow for different-colored themes.

Saguru slowly blinked the debris away from his eyes.

His breath caught on the dust still filling the air, painfully scraping against his throat when his lungs convulsed into a cough, and he tried to take stock of his surroundings.

The lights must have gone down when the floor had, but the room he had been running through also had several windows, and he could see the moon peeking from one of them. He could make do with what he had: even if he couldn't see every detail in the dark, he at least was able to tell where everything was.

A quick survey of his body revealed that all his bones were uncracked and accounted for. He probably had a twisted ankle, judging by the pain when he put his weight on it, but it was nothing that he couldn't handle. A headache was beginning to form and gleefully pulsing away in a corner of his skull, but when he touched his head he didn't feel any blood.

When he searched through his pockets and found his phone, he let out a soft sigh of short-lived relief: the battery icon showed a whopping 56% of charge, but there seemed to be no reception in his current location, as, from what he could tell when he turned the flashlight on, he had fallen in some kind of basement.

A soft moan several meters from him made him startle, his feet almost slipping on the uneven ground, and he sharply turned the light towards its direction.

Hattori.

Right.

They had been arguing about what they thought KID's plans were for the heist while they investigated the building, when the floor had given out under them.

No Edogawa-kun, fortunately: the precocious child had been put on a short leash when Nakamori-keibu had been enough of him nosing around the glass case containing KID's current target.

With careful steps, Saguru navigated through the worst of the debris and reached the other teen.

"Hattori-kun?"

"Hakuba," the other boy groaned, pulling himself into a sitting position. "What the fuck happened?"

"The floor collapsed," he explained, as he knelt down to better examine him. He could see a smear of blood where Hattori had instinctively brushed his own face, and Saguru's lips pinched into a frown at the sight. Mindful of where he was touching, he caught the other's chin in his fingers, forcing him to tilt his head in order to take a better look at him.

"Be still for a moment, please," he warned when the Osakan detective tried to pull away from his hold, "I just want to ascertain the damage."

"Didn't know you cared, Hakuba," was the answering grumble, but the dark-skinned teen didn't attempt to get rid of his touch a second time.

"Glad we could establish that your opinion of my character is actually worse than I previously assumed," Saguru dryly retorted while he pointed the light of his phone at the other's hairline.

At least the cause of the blood was easy to spot, he considered, lightly poking at it in a short burst of pettiness, just to hear the other suck a sharp breath in.

"Well, the good news is that you seem to either have no concussion or a very mild one: your pupils look normal, and if you can think clearly, then there should be no issue with brain damage," he finally concluded when he was done with the examination, pleased that the other detective was overall fine. "There is, however, a cut on your forehead that is bleeding quite a bit."

Ignoring the way Hattori began to grumble about head wounds and how much they bled even when they were "just fucking scrapes", Saguru reached for the handkerchief he kept in his pocket.

"Here, use it to keep pressure on the wound."

For once, the other boy obeyed without any protest.

******

The only exist of the basement was blocked by rubble and there didn't seem to be any way to safely climb up back to the first floor. They would have to wait it out until someone finally found them.

Saguru internally sighed, the side of his head still pulsing with a dull ache that hadn't gone down in the slightest during their survey, and he leaned back against the basement's wall. They were both sitting at the edge of the room, having found a spot where all the floor had collapsed and there was no danger of any additional chunk of concrete to fall on their heads.

"I guess we’re gonna have to wait," Hattori huffed with annoyance, clearly displeased at the prospective.

"That seems the case, yes," Saguru hummed in return.

Hopefully the collapsing floor had made enough of a racket to clue someone in on their current predicament.

The other teen's phone had gone missing during the fall - probably ending up buried somewhere in the mess surrounding them - and the battery of Saguru's own was now down to 43%, so he turned the light off to save resources, casting them both in the dim light provided by the moon still filtering through one of the first floor's windows.

It took about ten minutes of idle waiting for Hattori to finally become jittery enough to break the silence.

"So..." Hattori began, sounding awkward and forced in a way that made the half-British detective wonder why he had to deal with the other's unchecked energy levels instead of focusing on forgetting that, between the two of them, _he_ was most likely the one with a concussion.

"Hattori-kun," Saguru interrupted him, maybe a bit more sharply than warranted, "if the next thing you’re about to say is some inane comment about the weather...need I remind you that, not only we can barely see the sky from here, but it’s also rather irrelevant considering the situation we’re in?"

"I was just trying to make conversation!"

"Find a better topic," he retorted, clipped, while he stubbornly ignored the way the other's loud protests made his head feel like it had just passed through a blender.

"Do you gotta be like that all the damn time?!"

If anyone were to measure Hattori's loudness, would it end up being above the legally accepted threshold? Could Saguru make a case out of it?

"I’m sure you would find me disagreeable regardless," the half-British detective retorted through gritted teeth.

"You sure aren’t fucking helping there, buddy!"

Somehow, even the other's silence was loud.

Maybe Saguru should consider the benefits of at least partially indulging his need for attention. That would be enough to keep any future - loud - griping at bay, right?

"Out of mere curiosity," he started, trying to keep his tone as friendly and as polite as possible, even with one of eyes feeling like it wanted to melt out of its socket and bleed down his cheek, "what is specifically that you found aggravating about me when we first met? Because I tend to cause that reaction in general, but the specifics always seem to vary from person to person."

"You were just kind of a dick in general," was all he got as an answer.

Saguru had, at least, tried.

******

"How long do you think we’ve been here?" it was Hattori who broke silence again. His leg had been bouncing up and down with pent-up energy for the better part of...however long that was. Saguru couldn't clearly see it in the dark, but he felt it in the way the air moved and the floor vibrated because of it.

His headache had not gone down.

"About an hour?" he offered when it became obvious that the other boy was waiting for a reply. He shifted, attempting to return some feeling into his legs after having been still for too long, only to grit his teeth when his ankle reminded him with a sharp flare that it was still, indeed, sprained.

Good thing that after years of police officers looking down on him, he was used to keeping any kind of sound of distress to himself.

"Did you just say 'about an hour'?" curse Hattori and his instincts.

"I don’t know for sure," Saguru hoped his tone was dismissive enough to ruffle the other's feathers into letting it go, but couldn't so simply because of course Hattori was a trice-damned bloodhound when he actually stopped behaving like an overly-eager-to-please golden retriever.

"...shit."

With a deep sigh and the feeling of dread that came with knowing for certain he was about to be assigned the most intellectually-unsatisfying task in the whole precinct, he prompted, "what is it, Hattori-kun?"

"I just realized we never checked _you_ for head injuries," he sounded apologetic, as if that were his fault, which was silly to say the least, because Saguru was perfectly aware he was most likely suffering from one, he had just elected to ignore the issue, as there was nothing he could do about the matter until proper medical help was provided.

When the other shifted closer, the blonde teen made a token attempt at stopping him from rummaging in his pockets for his phone, but in the end he decided to give up when he realized that there was no point in postponing the inevitable now that Hattori had seemingly caught on the situation.

He would have done without the flashlight shining in his eyes, making his headache flare with renewed life, though.

"Holy shit, half your face is purple!"

Even in the low light, the half-British teen could see the wide-eyed worry settling on the other's face, wiping out any kind of contempt he might have felt so far, and something in his chest squeezed in guilt, because this was exactly the reason why he hadn't mentioned it to begin with.

"That would explain the headache," Saguru dryly replied, "and the dizziness."

And the nausea, but Hattori didn't need to know about that one.

It didn't stop the other boy from loudly swearing his displeasure at that news.

"I can still think relatively clearly, if it's of any consolation..."

His thoughts just sometimes seemed to go on wild tangents about the fact that he'll probably have to make it up to KID for distressing him at his heist - because he had no doubt that the thief would find out - even though Saguru had no fault to begin with, and clearly the real party responsible for that mess was either the building's owner or the company that built it.

"...it shouldn't be too bad."

If his voice sounded steady enough and sure enough, Hattori would buy it, right?

******

"About that girl you came to the heist with…" Saguru was vaguely aware of the fact that, after his previous reticence, it was ironic that he was the one starting inane conversations now.

"Who? Kazuha?" out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hattori's outline move, head sharply turning in his direction. "Wait, you _cannot_ hit on her! I swear I'll kick your ass if you--"

"You should ask her out," he interrupted, an amused smirk bending his lips upwards at the ensuing spluttering. "She seems to fancy you."

Watching the two of them bicker had made his insides churn in a way that reminded him of two messy heads bouncing all around the classroom, throwing insults at each other - but not really, because they were more terms of endearment than insults, weren't they? - and of wide happy grins and sparkly eyes filled with fire.

He wasn't even sure why Hattori decided to participate in the heist, to begin with, but mental bets were placed on the possibility that he had just followed Edogawa-kun there: for some reason the other teen seemed very competitive towards the child.

"She doesn’t! She’s my friend, she just follows me around!" was Hattori's loud protest and it would have annoyed Saguru in the way it made his head pound, if it weren't for the fact that he could quite clearly picture the embarrassed flush on the other teen's face: he had seen it often enough on Kuroba-kun's when one of their classmates suggested him and Aoko-san kissed to make up.

"Yes, I can tell that you clearly are an expert in women," sometimes the half-British detective wondered why hot-blooded people were so ready to deny their feelings. Wouldn't it make more sense for their personality type to be loudly and proudly state their love at any given time?

"And _you_ are?!"

If they sent you look A and you answered with smile B, they were delighted by the attention.

If they showed signs of the troubled expression C and you answered with the gentle encouragement D, they were grateful.

If they were upset in the E fashion, and he offered distraction F, their mood lightened up.

"I know what pleases them most of the time," he gave as an answer. "There are a few recurring patterns for girls our age, you just need to find out to which category they belong and act accordingly."

Saguru had no idea why this seemed to be so difficult for his male peers to grasp. Most of the girls he had interacted with in his life felt perfectly reasonable to him, their behavior was consistent, not hindered by unreasonable demands for physical fights whenever something didn't go their way.

"Wait, why did you word it like that?"

They were not exactly close enough that any part of their bodies touched, but the half-British detective still felt - or maybe heard - the way Hattori tensed when he posed that query.

"Like _that_ ," the other teen continued when Saguru gave a hum of prompting. "You made it sound like a science experiment."

Science experiments were nice and consistent: with the same premise, you always got the same result. If the result was different from the expected one, then something in the premise was wrong.

"Wait..."

Saguru knew that tone, he'd been on the receiving end of it quite a few times in his life - the "I'm sorry Hakuba, but uuuuh, I don't think we should hang out anymore" tone - and none of them it ended up on a positive note for him.

"...do you _like_ girls?

Hattori truly was a pro at being the most accursed bloodhound at the most inopportune of times.

"I don’t mind chatting with them?" the half-British teen offered, hoping it would be enough to appease the other detective's curiosity. "Guys don’t usually like me, and girls are easier to please in any case."

This was exactly why he kept to himself and minded his fucking business and when his male classmates went "Hakuba-kun, wanna join us to go watch This and That movie" he would smile at them and politely refuse, using his detective work as an excuse to never having to deal with the eventual realization that he didn't meet all of their fantasy expectations.

"Hattori-kun," he ground out, not caring if he sounded irritated or not: his headache was making a mess of his brain anyways, and his patience had been driven quite thin by the current conversation, so he thought it was quite in his rights to be just a tiny bit curt at the moment.

"I can feel you trying to inch away from me, do you honestly think that, even if I did have the disposition for it, I’m in any condition to molest you?"

Maybe if Saguru hit his head against the concrete wall again, this time with purposeful force, he could knock himself out, or worsen his concussion enough to lose consciousness and be done with this awkward farce.

He couldn't even say this was unexpected, because, truly, from previous experience, this was the most common reaction he received.

"...'m sorry," it was a soft-spoken, embarrassed thing, but it was an apology nonetheless, "I didn’t mean it like that."

_Hum._

That sounded true enough, and it wasn't like Saguru thought there was any kind of conscious malice in the other's learned behaviors. He just couldn't muster the mental strength to properly address that specific set of societal issues right now.

"Of course not, you’re a teenage boy and that is the automatic response they usually have," he huffed in return, hoping his tone sounded as mild as he was aiming for, "I’m not trying to accuse you of being anything that you’re not - you’re too morally upright for that - I just wanted to clarify that this is why I say that it’s easier for me to talk with girls."

There was another shift, this time signaling Hattori moving closer - a second, silent apology - and then Saguru felt the weight of the other's gaze land on him, considering.

"You think I’m morally upright," it was stated in a careful, meticulous way, as if the dark-haired teen were reevaluating something in his head. It was the same tone he used when coming to a certain conclusion or making a correct deduction.

"You wear your heart on your sleeve, and your first reaction upon seeing a potential murder is to get to the victim as soon as possible in case they’re alive and can still be saved," the half-British detective blamed his currently addled state for the lack of bite in his voice. "What else would you be?"

Hattori didn't say anything to that, but Saguru felt the warmth of his shoulder press against his own in a short friendly bump.

He bit down on his traitorous lips, before they could think of twitching up into a small smile.

******

"...it was the thing you did with the detective chick."

Hattori really seemed to have a habit of starting conversations out of the blue, without the proper preambles. Saguru hummed for him to further elaborate on what was running through his mind now.

"The thing that annoyed me at the Koshien," the other teen kept going, "it wasn’t the comments about me being too rash - I get that a lot - it was the fact that you were being all flirty with her even with a murder right there and..."

There was another shuffling that Saguru decided to interpret as a shrug, while he pressed his lips together into a flat line: was this really the impression he gave off? The one of an unreasonable flirt? Maybe he'd been skipping out on attempting to befriend guys a bit too much lately.

"I was trying to get her away from the body, since she was a suspect," he informed his companion, although he was pretty sure Hattori would eventually come to that conclusion himself, given their previous discussion regarding his preferences.

He wondered if this was the reason why Kuroba-kun's insults seemed to always get a bit more venomous than usual when he spoke to Aoko-san for an extended period of time: did he fear that Saguru was attempting to snatch the object of his affection away from him?

"...oh."

Uh-oh, that sounded like some kind of switch had finally flipped on in Hattori's head, and, in the newly-granted light, he had found the key to figuring him out. The wonders of prolonged forced interaction, for sure.

The half-British detective might as well double-down on that, since the conversation seemed to be flowing on the right track for once.

"Just to be perfectly clear, I don’t think you’re a bad detective," he explained, continuing only when he received a hum of consideration. "I know I sometimes say things in a way that comes off as condescending and off-putting, but that was not what frustrated me at the time."

"You mean I'm 'hot-blooded'?" Hattori commented with a huff of a chuckle after a moment of silence. There were definitely some difference in communication that were fighting against them here, but if Saguru could just attune his responses a bit better...

_Hum..._

Hattori was the type that thrived on being helpful and being praised for a job well done, so...

"It’s not a criticism to your persona, it just means you need to cool off before examining a scene, sometimes people are like that," he tried to keep his tone as even as possible, not wanting the other to misinterpret his words as some form of mockery, "I feel it would actually aid you into making quick decisions in case of an emergency."

It earned the expected sound of surprise, so the blonde teen soldiered through the next part before his pride could take a hold of his mouth, "I would be terrible at those."

"...are you implying we would make a good team?" this time Hattori sounded downright baffled, which to be fair, Saguru was as well, because it wasn't exactly what he was going for either.

It wasn't, however, a terrible point.

Their personalities were certainly at odds - which was why they seemed to disagree so often - but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing: if anything, it could be advantage if properly coordinated.

"We would certainly make-up for each other's weak points," he slowly offered, instinctively eyeing the other even though he couldn't clearly see the expression on his face.

"Uuuuhh..."

That sounded interested enough.

This was turning out better than expected. Maybe Saguru should reconsider his way of approaching other boys as well.

******

"I still maintain you should ask her out."

Clearly Saguru was either getting too bored or starting to catch some questionable habits out of his current company. Now _he_ was the one sparking idle chit-chat without prompting.

"Would you drop it?!"

Then again, Hattori's propensity to spluttering was beginning to feel more endearing and amusing than annoying.

"No," the half-British detective hummed back at him, "she was quite obviously trying to catch your attention."

"She was _not_!"

"And you're quite taken with her as well..."

"You know what?! You don't get to lecture me about my romantic life without sharing yours! So now spit it out!"

Ah.

Saguru should have expected that one. He...really didn't want to open that particular can of worms. Not least of his reasons being that there was no viable solution to his plight, therefore it was quite pointless to dwell on it.

"There is nothing to spit out..." he hoped he didn't sound as bitter as he felt: it wasn't like you could force whom you had affections for.

"Ah! The fact that you said it like that says otherwise, buddy! Who is he?"

Bloodhound at the worst times. Saguru should have a T-shirt made of it and give it to the other as a present sometimes.

"It's a moot point anyways..." even as he said it, the blonde teen knew the subject was not going to be so easily dropped. As expected, Hattori shifted closer until their shoulders were pressed once again to each other and, from this up close, the half-British detective could sort of make out his expression even in the dim light. There was no sign of any mockery in it, just earnest curiosity.

This was so much worse, because of course the other was being completely genuine about the whole thing.

"He's a classmate," Saguru sighed, resting his head back against the wall he'd been leaning to, "and really a clear sign that I’ve terrible taste in men..."

"Ah-ah."

"...he’s not a _bad person_ , he’s just...maddeningly chaotic."

"Ah-ah."

"...and brilliant, and interesting, and honestly kind of funny at times, and he’s cute, and he’s also the body of a bloody _gymnast_ , damn him!"

Ugh! He was beginning to sound like a pining shoujo manga heroine, wasn't he? This was exactly why he didn't want to talk about it, much better to just bury it as deeply as possible, coat the whole thing in concrete, and never let it see the light of day ever again.

He didn't need to take a look in Hattori's direction to know what was probably going to through the other's mind at his confession.

"And stop staring at me like that!" he hissed through gritted teeth, "I can’t see you, but I know you are!"

"I didn’t say anything," was the seraphic response he received, which only tempted once more Saguru to bang his head against the wall in order to escape this unfolding disaster of a conversation.

"Besides, as I already said, it’s a moot point: he’s straight."

"...uh..." the blonde teen couldn't see the other's wince, but he could certainly hear it in his voice, "you sure?"

Was this how normal conversations between boys their age usually went? Saguru had been under the impression that a lot less emotion and a lot more posturing were involved. Maybe this only happened when there was no better way to pass time with.

"He’s broken into the girls’ locker room more times than I can count..." which really was a habit that maybe Kuroba-kun should get over at some point, or Aoko-san might really murder him with a lucky hit of her trusted mop.

"That sounds more like overcompensation to me..."

Saguru appreciated the encouragement, he truly did: this was possibly the first time he addressed this particular issue aloud, and Hattori being so ready to support him did feel nice, but he was also very aware of the fact that there was no hope for his misplaced affections to be requited.

Maybe, what Saguru needed was to go on another impromptu trip to England. That would help clear his mind, wouldn't it?

"There is also a girl he likes in our class. Quite obviously," he sighed, instinctively reaching for his temple in order to massage the returning headache, only to wince and pull his hand back at his side when his fingertips touched his forgotten bruises.

"They’re childhood friends, and, honestly, the whole school is waiting for the time when he will finally ask her out once and for all," he continued, "even _if_ he were interested - which he is _not_ \- I would not want to intrude on _that_."

"...oh," Hattori sounded a bit deflated at that, as if he were truly invested in Saguru getting himself a boyfriend for some reason, "...you’re really in love with this guy...like, _really_ in love with him...it’s not even funny..."

Well yes, that was the whole problem, wasn't it? That his stupid teenage emotions had decided to hyper-fixate on the obviously unavailable target.

"Yes, thank you, I'm quite aware of my predicament," he sighed once again, closing his eyes and wondering exactly how long they would have to wait there. If he wanted to, he could check how much time had passed from his phone - there should still be some battery left - but he wasn't sure there was even a point in doing that: it wasn't like they could climb up to the upper floor on their own without risking breaking something. Not to mention the danger of dislodging additional pieces of the collapsed floor and having them fall on their heads.

"...her name is Kazuha."

Hattori's voice was hesitant when he spoke, embarrassed in a way that keenly reminded the blonde teen of Kuroba-kun when he was trying to be nice to Aoko-san without fully giving away how much he cared for her opinion.

"The girl you saw me with, her name is Kazuha," the other detective clarified. "We’re childhood friends too, and I do...hum...like her, but..." he hesitated, before taking a deep steadying breath and finally ask what was on his mind. "You really think she likes me?"

Saguru considered this. He thought about observing the two of them sniping at each other. He thought about the way they had seemed to gravitate in each other's space without realizing just how close they were, and he couldn't help but give a wistful hum of confirmation in return.

"I think she is as smitten with you as you are with her."

******

"Hakuba?"

Saguru blinked his tired eyes open, not as much completely turning his head in the call's direction, as tilting it slightly tilting it in acknowledgment with an absent, interrogative hum on his lips.

"No, it’s just," Hattori began, warm shoulder still pressed against his, "you haven’t said anything in a while."

Well, no of course, his headache seemed to have decided it was time for a reprise and was slowly expanding from just one hemisphere of his head to the entirety of his skull. It was a bit difficult to find a topic of conversation when not much of your brain seemed to be amenable to properly do its job.

"It’s nothing really..." he tried to reassure the other teen, but his tongue felt thick and clumsy in his mouth, so he wasn't quite sure how well he did in that regard.

" _That_ didn’t sound like a 'nothing' to me."

Not very well, it turned out, so he let out a slow sigh, and quietly admitted, "It’s just my head..."

"The pain is getting worse?"

"I’m fine," Saguru insisted, because there was no point in agitating his companion further.

"Yeah, no, that sounded fake as hell..."

A dozen-times cursed bloodhound, that was what he was. A cute Akita Inu with a fluffy tail and coat, adorable pointy ears, and the persistence to hunt down bears.

"I’m fine…’m just sleepy…"

He should not have said that. Now Hattori was going to be upset by it.

"And _that_ is why I’m telling you that you aren’t fine," the other boy all but growled, leaning closer as if to take a better look at Saguru's state. It wouldn't be of any help, but protective instincts were infamously difficult for him to keep in check.

"Don’t you dare fall asleep on me, Hakuba! Don’t you dare fall asleep on me with a potential brain injury!"

The blonde detective automatically leaned away from the offendingly loud sound. "Fussy..."

"I’m worried about you, you dick!"

"...fussy," Saguru reiterated, "like that dumb thief."

"Don’t you even start with that guy!" it was a growled hiss, expressing all the frustration that the other teen must be feeling at being unable to give any kind of help to someone under his protection. "It’s his damn fault we’re stuck here to begin with!"

"Not his fault...the floor collapsed," Saguru quietly pointed out, closing his eyes with the intention of resting, just for a bit, just for a moment. There wasn't anything wrong with that, right? It's not like they could go anywhere anyways...

"The floor collapsed at his fucking heist!"

"...doesn’t own the building…"

"Are you trying to defend his honor?!"

Well, yes, KID didn't deserve to be accused of having caused any of this when he clearly hadn't. There was a part of Saguru that, even in his currently dazed state, was definitely unhappy at the idea of anyone misinterpreting the thief's so thoroughly.

"...dumb thief...but nice thief..." his words were still slurry and his tongue still felt like it had been filled with lead, but he stubbornly soldiered through. "...gets me medicines when I’m sick...gets me tea when I’m down…"

Always high-quality tea too. His favorite, in fact. And the dove who brought it also always ended up resting on his pillow, right next to his head, until he woke up and could gently scratch her soft feathers and sneak treats to her from the stash he kept in one of his nightstand's drawers.

"Holy shit, you’re really out of it..."

She was getting a bit chubby, now that Saguru thought about it, maybe he should slow done with the treats and show his appreciation only through petting for a while.

"Come on, dude, stay awake," there was a hand on his shoulder, shaking him in a way that made him see stars behind the heavy weight of his eyelids. "Keep waxing poetic about the thief if you nee--uh?"

Hopefully, even if he _did_ end up with some kind of brain injury, KID wouldn't be too upset by it. He wondered if the thief would be elated to find out that Saguru wasn't able to chase him anymore. Having one less thing to worry about.

"Did you hear that?"

That was the last thing Saguru was aware of, before consciousness left him once and for all.

******

[Unknown]   
  
**Today** 3:23 AM   
**[Unknown]:** yo, let me know when you wake up   
  
**Today** 3:48 AM   
**[Unknown]:** you alive?   
  
**Today** 4:07 AM   
**[Unknown]:** come on buddy, don't make me turn this train around and come back to Tokyo   
  
**Today** 4:19 AM   
**[Unknown]:** dude, the doctor said you were fine, are you just ignoring me???   
  
**Today** 4:31 AM   
**[Unknown]:**????????????????   
  
**Saguru:** Who is this?   
  
**[Unknown]:** aww, you already forgot about the bonding moment we had?   
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun?   
  
**[Unknown]:** who else would message you after we commiserated together about our love lives?   
  


Fussytori   
  
**[Unknown]** added to contacts as **Fussytori**   
**Fussytori:** forgetting about our bromance already?   
  
**Fussytori:** so sad （；へ；）   
  
**Saguru:** I didn't take you for the kaomoji type, Hattori-kun.   
  
**Fussytori:** not everyone has a stick up their butt like you do   
  
**Saguru:** That's not true, I use plenty of them too...   
  
**Today** 4:34 AM   
**Saguru:** >:(   
**Fussytori:** that's not a kaomoji, you cheat!!! （｀Δ´）   
**Saguru:** Same difference.   
**Fussytori:** did you just "same difference" at me???   
**Saguru:** >:p   
**Fussytori:** Σ(ﾟ△ﾟ) !!!

Fussytori   
  
**Today** 4:39 AM   
**Fussytori:** so, how are you?   
**Saguru:** Exceedingly bored.   
**Fussytori:** already stir-crazy, uh?   
**Saguru:** the doctor insists I'm fine, and yet he also insists I should stay for observation until this afternoon.   
**Saguru:** He didn't specify the exact time I'm allowed to be released.    
**Fussytori:** buddy, not everyone goes down to the millisecond like you do...   
**Saguru:** I don't require that.   
**Saguru:** It would be fine if it were down to the minute.   
**Fussytori:** omfg just enjoy your time off!!   
**Saguru:** Having time off is boring. :(   
**Fussytori:** alksjlakjdkalsj   
**Fussytori:** you know what, fine   
**Fussytori:** I know I'm gonna regret this   
**Fussytori** invited you to play **ScrabbleTime**   
**Saguru:** :D !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, do you know who should never be believed at the words "It's gonna be fine! It's just a _short_ intro!"?  
> Me, definitely me, this wasn't short at all.  
> The thing I have to do, just to write a chat fic.


	2. Chapter 2

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 5:47 PM  
**Fussytori:** hypothetically speaking, if you needed to hide a thin, long murder weapon most likely made of metal, where would you keep it?  
  
**Saguru:** I assume you’ve already checked the surrounding area?  
  
**Fussytori:** y  
  
**Saguru:** Do you have any suspects?  
  
**Fussytori:** a guy, and two girls that supposedly came to visit and found the body instead. All three of them have motives to kill.  
  
**Saguru:** Have you checked on them?  
  
**Fussytori:** y  
  
**Saguru:** Who checked the girls?  
  
**Fussytori:** guy from the police, why?  
  
**Saguru:** You might want to have a female officer check the girls’ bras just in case.  
  
**Today** 6:12 PM  
**Fussytori:** how did you know that??  
  
**Saguru:** You’d be surprised what you learn at KID’s heists.  
  
**Fussytori:**?????  
  
**Saguru:** I know I’m going to regret sending you this, but the bottom line is: I’ve been put in female clothes enough times that I ended up cataloguing by accident every potential hiding place for murder weapons.  
  
**Fussytori:**!!!!!  
  
**Saguru:** As maddeningly chaotic as that thief is, he is a perfectionist.  
  
**Fussytori:** dude...condolences.  
  
**Saguru:** Much appreciated.  
  


Fussytori  
  
**Yesterday** 11:13 PM  
**Fussytori:** out of morbid curiosity, when you say “perfectionist”, do you mean he put you in _panties_ too?  
  
**Today** 6:11 AM  
**Saguru:** I would really rather not answer that question.  
  
**Today** 7:53 AM  
**Fussytori:** …how did he even manage that???  
  
**Saguru:** The fact that I was unconscious at the time might have helped.  
  
**Today** 8:21 AM  
**Fussytori:** …Hakuba? Ohi, are you alright? Do I need to come to the next heist and deck him????  
  
**Saguru:** It's not like that, he doesn't mean it maliciously…  
  
**Fussytori:** ok, that didn't sound reassuring at all. I'm coming over.  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun no, there is no need for that.  
  
**Saguru:** It happened exactly once.  
  
**Saguru:** he hasn't done it again since.  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun?  
  
**Saguru:** he doesn't mean anything sexual with it.  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun???  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori, answer your damn phone!!!  
  
**Saguru:** _bloody hell_!!!  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 5:21 PM  
**Saguru:** Have you asked Kazuha-san out yet?  
  
**Fussytori:** hello to you too.  
  
**Saguru:** I still don’t understand why you keep postponing it.  
  
**Fussytori:** not. The. Right. Time.  
  
**Saguru:** If you never make your move, someone else is gonna try to court her while you’re busy playing older brother to Edogawa-kun.  
  
**Fussytori:** dude, I’m on a crime scene!  
  
**Saguru:** Ah.  
  
**Today** 5:35 PM  
**Saguru:** Do you need suggestions on appropriate date activities? Because I can provide those…  
  
**Fussytori:** would you let me take a look at this dead body in peace???  
  
**Saguru:** If I were to stop messaging you because of a dead body, our conversations would be quite sparse.  
  
**Fussytori:** akjshakjhsjakhdkjahds  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 7:33 PM  
**Fussytori:** so, regarding that classmate of yours  
  
**Saguru:** You might want to be more precise.  
  
**Fussytori:** you know which one  
  
**Fussytori:** that one  
  
**Fussytori:** you know, _that one_  
  
**Saguru:** What about Kuroba-kun?  
  
**Fussytori:** nothing, just wanted to know how it was going with that one.  
  
**Saguru:** He’s as maddeningly chaotic as usual.  
  
**Saguru:** Also extremely antagonizing in the last few days.  
  
**Fussytori:** uh, that bad?  
  
**Saguru:** It might have something to do with next week’s KID heist.  
  
**Fussytori:**?  
  
**Saguru:** Let’s say he’s a “fan”.  
  
**Fussytori:** uuuuhhh  
  
**Fussytori:** _that_ must be awkward.  
  
**Saguru:** It is even more awkward if you take into account that his best friend is Nakamori-keibu’s daughter.  
  
**Fussytori:** uuuuhhh  
  
**Fussytori:** wait, is this the “childhood friend”? The one you said he’s a thing for?  
  
**Saguru:** Yes. When the subject of KID is brought up, they fight more times than not. She, reasonably, argues that KID is a criminal that keeps humiliating the police force and as such should not be idolized. He keeps praising KID’s skills based on what he claims to be admiration as a magician-in-training, and he seems to think that as long as no-one is seriously harmed, the generalized humiliation that KID bestows on people is irrelevant and should be overlooked.  
  
**Today** 7:45 PM  
**Fussytori:** that sounds weird.  
  
**Fussytori:** are you sure they like each other?  
  
**Saguru:** If it is the fighting that leaves you baffled, need I remind you that you and Kazuha-san have the same dynamic?  
  
**Fussytori:** yeah, but me and Kazuha don’t fight for that kind of stuff  
  
**Fussytori:** we fight because one of us did a thing that the other didn’t like  
  
**Fussytori:** not for moral stuff like that  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun, what are you getting at?  
  
**Fussytori:** I’m just saying, if they can’t even agree on if a criminal should be arrested or not, how would that relationship even work?  
  
**Saguru:** Whether a relationship between the two of them would work in the long run or not is really rather irrelevant to the affection they feel for one another.  
  
**Saguru:** Affection isn’t rational.  
  
**Saguru:** If it were, I wouldn’t be stuck as I’m now, with the person that I like, currently hating my guts.  
  
**Fussytori:** (｡•́︿•̀｡)  
  


Fussytori  
  
**Today** 9:15 AM  
**Fussytori:** are you sure the guy hates you?  
  
**Saguru:** I don’t believe I’ve ever had a conversation with him in which he hasn’t at least thrown some kind of insult at me.  
  
**Fussytori:** uuuuh.  
  
**Saguru:** He also avoids me as if I were ridden with a new outbreak of the Black Death.  
  
**Saguru:** He might have additional reasons for the last one but regardless of that, yes, I’m fairly sure that Kuroba-kun does, in fact, hate me.  
  
**Fussytori:** (｡•́︿•̀｡)  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 7:15 PM  
**Saguru:** Have you asked Kazuha-san out yet?  
  
**Fussytori:** dude, you do realize that half the time you message me you start with that, right?  
  
**Saguru:** It’s because you’re being dumb.  
  
**Saguru:** So, have you?  
  
**Fussytori:** do we have to have this conversation every time???  
  
**Saguru:** Yes.  
  
**Saguru:** Have you?  
  
**Fussytori:** I swear I’m gonna block your number!!  
  
**Saguru:** Then I guess I will have to mention to your mother how dismayed I’m that her son is apparently ignoring me.  
  
**Fussytori:** you dick!  
  
**Saguru:** It’s not my fault if your parents like me.  
  
**Fussytori:** asdlajklsjaldsajldjsal  
  
**Fussytori:** I don't even know how you do this shit!!  
  
**Fussytori:** you haven't even met them in person!!  
  
**Saguru:** If it's of any consolation, my father likes you as well.  
  
**Fussytori:** your father likes everyone!!  
  
**Saguru:** You obviously don’t know my father very well if you think that...  
  
**Fussytori:**???  
  
**Today** 7:28 PM  
**Saguru:** So, have you?  
  
**Fussytori:** ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Akako-san  
  
**Today** 4:01 PM  
**Akako-san:** Good afternoon, Hakuba-kun.  
  
**Saguru:** Good afternoon, Akako-san.  
  
**Akako-san:** I've an inquiry for you in regard to your ancestry.  
  
**Saguru:** I'll do my best to provide you with the information you're looking for.  
  
**Saguru:** Although I have to admit that I'm uncertain as to why my ancestry is of any interest to you.  
  
**Akako-san:** It occurred to me that you don't react the standard way to my presence.  
  
**Saguru:**...is that so?  
  
**Akako-san:** You seem to be partially immune to my charm.  
  
**Saguru:** I do find you to be a very beautiful woman.  
  
**Akako-san:** Well, thank you, but that's not what I'm talking about.  
  
**Akako-san:** In fact, that reaction is exactly the reason why I became curious about your bloodline.  
  
**Saguru:** Should I not have mentioned it?  
  
**Akako-san:** No, quite the contrary, you're being uncharacteristically coherent in your expression of your appreciation of my persona.  
  
**Saguru:** I don't feel as though it would terribly polite of me to express it with the kind of verve our classmates seem to share.  
  
**Akako-san:** You do not understand.  
  
**Akako-san:** You should not have a choice at all.  
  
**Saguru:** Hum...  
  
**Akako-san:** I've already researched the Japanese side of your family and no supernatural entity seems to have had any relevant contact with them, but information on the British side of it has been much more difficult to find.  
  
**Akako-san:** Therefore I decided to ask directly to you.  
  
**Akako-san:** Has your family ever had contact with Fae of any kind?  
  
**Akako-san:** Has any of their kind left either a curse or a blessing on one of your ancestors?  
  
**Saguru:** Not that I'm aware of...  
  
**Akako-san:** Then this makes no sense.  
  
**Akako-san:** I will have to research this further.  
  
**Saguru:**...  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Hakuba  
  
**Today** 7:34 PM  
**Hakuba:** Are you in Beika by any chance?  
  
**Heiji:**...yes?  
  
**Heiji:** why?  
  
**Hakuba:** I’m just testing an app.  
  
**Heiji:**??????  
  
**Hakuba:** An acquaintance of mine made himself a phone application to track any mention of a certain idol of his.  
  
**Hakuba:** I asked him if he could make me a slightly modified version that tracked the murder rate in Beika in real time.  
  
**Heiji:** is this the usual classmate?  
  
**Heiji:** the reality bending one that you’re pining for?  
  
**Hakuba:** I’m not pining.  
  
**Hakuba:** And also yes. That one.  
  
**Hakuba:** It turns out that whenever you and Edogawa-kun meet, the already high murder frequency in Beika goes up by 15.27% on a normal school day, and by a whooping 27.83% on weekend days.  
  
**Hakuba:** I made a chart.  
  
**Heiji:** of course you fucking did, you nerd.  
  
**Hakuba:** I feel like I should submit this data for studying.  
  
**Heiji:** please don’t turn us into your pet experiment.  
  
**Hakuba:** Can’t I?  
  
**Heiji:** no.  
  
**Hakuba:** :(  
  


Unusually Untraumatized Child  
  
**Today** 4:02 PM  
**Saguru:** Hello, this is Hakuba Saguru. I wanted to ask if you would be willing to assist me in an experiment. It's nothing dangerous and it won't require you to diverge from your usual daily routine.  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** hi, Hakuba-niichan.  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** I don't know? It's a bit sudden…  
  
**Saguru:** I asked Hattori-kun, but he said he wouldn't be able to pass by Beika until two weeks from now.  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** your experiment needs to be done in Beika?  
  
**Saguru:** The initial data gathering, yes.  
  
**Saguru:** It would have been more ideal with Hattori-kun present as well, but that will have to wait for now.  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** it's fine, I guess, but I'm usually busy with the other kids in the afternoon.  
  
**Saguru:** I don't mind. As I said, you need not diverge from your usual routine.  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** alright then.  
  
**Saguru:** See you tomorrow then, Edogawa-kun.  
  
**Saguru:** :)  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:**!  
  


Mini-Kudo  
  
**Today** 4:16 PM  
**Mini-Kudo:** Hattori, did you throw Hakuba at me?  
  
**Heiji:**?  
  
**Mini-Kudo:** he says he wants to tag along tomorrow after school because he's “conducting an experiment in Beika”  
  
**Mini-Kudo:** he asked me if I wanted to assist him.  
  
**Heiji:** oh for fuck's sake!  
  
**Heiji:** I told him to drop it!!!  
  
**Mini-Kudo:** Hattori?  
  
**Today** 4:25 PM  
**Mini-Kudo:** Hattori???  
  
**Today** 4:37 PM  
**Mini-Kudo:** would you look at your phone???  
  
**Today** 4:46 PM  
**Mini-Kudo:** answer already!!!  
  
**Today** 4:58 PM  
**Mini-Kudo:** uuuuggghhh!!!!!!  
  


Fussytori  
  
**Today** 4:31 PM  
**Fussytori:** I told you, you can't use me and Kudo for your experiments!!!!  
  
**Saguru:** I'm merely gathering data. Data that is public domain, I might add, since none of the authorities involved seem to see fit to keep private the assistance of very much underage individuals.  
  
**Saguru:** I'm honestly beginning to think that Nakamori-keibu is the only sane police officer in the whole prefecture.  
  
**Fussytori:** wait, are you telling me that “officially” you haven't participated at any KID heist???  
  
**Saguru:** I'm mentioned as an “external consultant”.  
  
**Fussytori:** uh  
  
**Saguru:** My age is never addressed at all. In the reports from Division 1 there are clear references to “that one child, you know, the usual one”.  
  
**Saguru:** It's frankly ludicrous in both the lack of professionalism with which they’re written, and the idiocy required to think that admitting to literal seven-year-old children solving cases for the police would ever be a good idea.  
  
**Saguru:** Also, Hattori-kun.  
  
**Fussytori:**?  
  
**Saguru:** What does Kudo-kun have to do with any of this? I've never approached him.  
  
**Fussytori:** fuck  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun.  
  
**Fussytori:** I meant Conan! Those two are so much alike I keep getting the names wrong!!!  
  
**Today** 4:39 PM  
**Saguru:** …is that so?  
  
**Saguru:** Does he by any chance share Edogawa-kun’s death magnetism as well?  
  
**Fussytori:** OHI!!!!  
  
**Saguru:** It was just a question.  
  
**Fussytori:** ヽ(*`Д´)ﾉ  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 11:37 AM  
**Saguru:** So, how was the date yesterday?  
  
**Fussytori:** it was not a date!!!  
  
**Saguru:** Wasn’t it?  
  
**Fussytori:** no!!!  
  
**Saguru:** I thought having dinner together would count as such.  
  
**Fussytori:** …it's not like that…  
  
**Saguru:** She agreed to come, right?  
  
**Fussytori:** …yeah…  
  
**Saguru:** And the place I reserved for you two was fine, right?  
  
**Fussytori:** …yeah, I thought it would be awkward, but it was a nice place, not too fancy, but not not-fancy either…  
  
**Saguru:** Good, and you had a good time, right?  
  
**Fussytori:** …yeah…  
  
**Saguru:** So what is the problem?  
  
**Fussytori:** I dunno…  
  
**Saguru:** Did you kiss her?  
  
**Today** 11:48 AM  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun?  
  
**Today** 11:53 AM  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun?  
  
**Today** 11:58 AM  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun?  
  
**Saguru:** Did I overstep again?  
  
**Today** 12:09 PM  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun?  
  
**Saguru:** I'm sorry.  
  
**Saguru:** I didn't mean to do that.  
  
**Saguru:** Please, answer your phone.  
  
**Today** 12:19 PM  
**Saguru:** I'm sorry.  
  
**Today** 12:39 PM  
**Saguru:** I'm sorry.  
  
**Saguru:** I won't do it again  
  
**Saguru:** Please answer.  
  
**Today** 12:39 PM  
**Saguru:** I'm sorry.  
  
**Saguru:** please  
  
**Saguru:** I'm truly sorry  
  
**Today** 13:09 PM  
**Saguru:** I'm sorry  
  
**Today** 13:59 PM  
**Fussytori:** yeah, I kissed her. She kissed back. I think she's my girlfriend now.  
  
**Saguru:** :D !!!!  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Akako-san  
  
**Today** 8:41 PM  
**Akako-san:** Good evening, Hakuba-kun.  
  
**Saguru:** Good evening, Akako-san.  
  
**Akako-san:** What do you think about Nakamori-san?  
  
**Saguru:** She's a very lively girl, and a pleasant company.  
  
**Saguru:** Quite enjoyable to talk to.  
  
**Akako-san:** I didn't mean that.  
  
**Akako-san:** I mean physically.  
  
**Akako-san:** Do you find her attractive?  
  
**Today** 8:48 PM  
**Saguru:** I don't mean to sound rude, but I'm...not entirely sure we're close enough for me to share my opinion in that regard.  
  
**Akako-san:** You're doing it again.  
  
**Akako-san:** The choosing thing.  
  
**Akako-san:** Stop it.  
  
**Today** 8:52 PM  
**Saguru:** I'm sorry if I'm distressing you.  
  
**Akako-san:** No.  
  
**Akako-san:** Stop that as well.  
  
**Akako-san:** This is not a matter of being sorry.  
  
**Saguru:** Alright.  
  
**Akako-san:** There, much better when you do what I say.  
  
**Akako-san:** Going back to the original topic.  
  
**Akako-san:** Mine is a simple query, yes? I don't see how answering me would require a closer acquaintance between us.  
  
**Today** 8:59 PM  
**Akako-san:** Hakuba-kun?  
  
**Today** 9:04 PM  
**Saguru:** I've already given my answer to your questioning. I'm sorry if it isn't satisfactory for you, Akako-san, but that is still my answer.  
  
**Akako-san:** ( ･ั__･ั)  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 11:44 AM  
**Fussytori:** what kind of “additional reasons”?  
  
**Saguru:** Why do you always start conversations without specifying the topic at hand?  
  
**Fussytori:** because I post them as they come  
  
**Fussytori:** we’re chatting, not writing an essay  
  
**Saguru:** The lack of punctuation certainly makes evident that that is indeed the case.  
  
**Fussytori:** ha ha ha  
  
**Fussytori:**.  
  
**Fussytori:** I was talking about the “additional reasons” you mentioned for Kuroba to hate you.  
  
**Saguru:** …  
  
**Saguru:** It’s not important, it’s just a theory.  
  
**Fussytori:** ha-ha!  
  
**Today** 12:01 PM  
**Saguru:** I think he’s KID.  
  
**Fussytori:**!  
  
**Saguru:** The current KID at any rate.  
  
**Fussytori:** “current” you say  
  
**Saguru:** There was a yet unexplained eight-year-long hiatus in his career. I believe this one is more of an heir to the previous one than the original Kaitou KID.  
  
**Fussytori:** it would explain the age discrepancy.  
  
**Saguru:** And the slightly different methodology.  
  
**Saguru:** Also there is another thing that seems to match up.  
  
**Saguru:** This is all speculation on my part though, so please do me the favor of avoiding sharing it until I find actual proof of it.  
  
**Fussytori:** alright.  
  
**Saguru:** Upon further investigation, it turns out that Kuroba-kun’s father died eight years ago, matching up exactly with the sudden inactivity of the previous KID. Kuroba-kun’s father also happened to be a world-renowned magician whose many tours matched a bit too closely with KID’s international activities to be safely discarded as coincidences.  
  
**Fussytori:** that’s...yeah…  
  
**Saguru:** Yes.  
  
**Saguru:** I have no idea why the current KID is doing what he’s doing, nor why he keeps stealing jewels only to give them back soon afterwards. It cannot be a mere matter of wanting an adrenaline high, because otherwise any target would suffice. There must be a reason for it to be so consistent, but I’m honestly stumped at this point, and I can do nothing but wait and try again and again to catch him to ask him myself what is wrong with his brain and dammit it’s driving me half insane!!!  
  
**Today** 12:05 PM  
**Fussytori:** you know what I think?  
  
**Fussytori:** I think you’re starting to sound like a workaholic, and you need a vacation.  
  
**Fussytori:** so listen  
  
**Fussytori:** why don’t you come over to visit next week?  
  
**Saguru:** In Osaka?  
  
**Fussytori:** yeah, have you ever been here?  
  
**Saguru:** No, I can’t say I’ve ever been.  
  
**Fussytori:** great! Then you’re officially invited!  
  
**Saguru:** I  
  
**Saguru:** really?  
  
**Fussytori:** yeah!!!  
  
**Saguru:** I’ll be delighted to come over then.  
  
**Saguru:** :)  
  
**Fussytori:** (*≧∀≦*)  
  


Ahoko  
  
**Today** 2:58 PM  
**Kaito:** Aoko, were you messaging Hakuba during classes this morning? For shame Aoko, for shame!  
  
**Ahoko:** Aoko wasn’t doing anything of the sort!  
  
**Ahoko:** Aoko only gets distracted at school when Bakaito forces her to put him back in line!  
  
**Ahoko:** if Hakuba-kun was messaging anyone, then it must be some other friend of his.  
  
**Kaito:** Hakuba has other friends????? ∑(ﾟロﾟ〃)  
  
**Ahoko:** he’s pleasant to talk to. Not like some other guys. You know, a certain someone who is constantly insulting both Aoko’s dad and Hakuba-kun, because he keeps cheering for a scoundrel thief! (*｀へ´*) 彡3  
  
**Kaito:** hey, I get along with a lot of people because I like KID-sama!  
  
**Kaito:** it’s not my fault if you get all prissy about it  
  
**Ahoko:** KID is a scoundrel and no decent person should be on his side! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡  
  
**Ahoko:** besides  
  
**Ahoko:** Aoko knows for certain that Hakuba-kun has other friends, because Hakuba-kun told her that next week he’s going to visit one of them in Osaka!  
  
**Ahoko:** so ha!  
  
**Ahoko:** <(￣︶￣)>  
  
**Kaito:**!  
  


Fussytori  
  
**Today** 10:17 PM  
**Fussytori:** soooooo  
  
**Fussytori:** _that_ was the guy you like.  
  
**Saguru:** yes, I’m sorry you had to meet him in such circumstances. He’s usually more reasonable in his madness.  
  
**Fussytori:** gotta say, that wasn’t the type of person I pegged as someone you would like.  
  
**Saguru:** He wasn’t being particularly pleasant at the time.  
  
**Saguru:** While he’s usually both befundling and antagonizing in equal measure, he’s never quite _that_ rude.  
  
**Saguru:** I’ve no idea why he seemed to want to start a fight with you so badly.  
  
**Saguru:** I thought the two of you would get along to be honest, given your personalities.  
  
**Today** 10:28 PM  
**Fussytori:** does he like  
  
**Fussytori:** stalk you often?  
  
**Saguru:** He wasn’t stalking me, he was hanging out with Aoko-san.  
  
**Fussytori:** ah-ah.  
  
**Saguru:** You know. The childhood friend. The one he likes?  
  
**Fussytori:** ah-ah.  
  
**Saguru:** :| I feel as though I’m being mocked by your tone of typing, Hattori-kun.  
  
**Fussytori:** I would never  
  
**Fussytori:**.  
  
**Saguru:** >:|  
  


Aoko-san  
  
**Today** 10:37 PM  
**Aoko-san:** Aoko thinks that Bakaito is jealous that Hakuba-kun passes all his time messaging Hattori-kun. ✧ (•́⌄•́๑)  
  
**Saguru:**...Aoko-san?  
  
**Aoko-san:** Aoko also thinks that Bakaito is being dumb because if he wants to hang out with Hakuba-kun, he should just stop insulting him to begin with.  
  
**Saguru:** Aoko-san? I don’t believe Kuroba-kun has any interest of the sort…  
  
**Aoko-san:** Hakuba-kun, listen. Aoko knows Bakaito the best. And Bakaito is, in fact, a _baka_.  
  
**Aoko-san:** ε=（ー△ー；）  
  
**Aoko-san:** when Bakaito wants to make friends with someone, instead of being nice, he’s super-rude.  
  
**Aoko-san:** Keiko calls him a “tsundere”, which she explained to Aoko to mean that Bakaito is super- _baka_ at the beginning, but then he becomes much nicer once he gets used to being around you.  
  
**Aoko-san:** this seems like a very Bakaito thing to do.  
  
**Saguru:**...is that so…?  
  
**Aoko-san:** yes!  
  
**Saguru:** Alright.  
  
**Aoko-san:** so, what Aoko wanted to ask was this: would Hakuba-kun like to hang out with her and Kaito tomorrow after school? Kaito owes her ice-cream, and she’ll force him to pay for Hakuba-kun as well. <(￣︶￣)>  
  
**Saguru:** If that is the case, then how could I refuse such a gracious offer?  
  
**Aoko-san:** great!  
  
**Saguru:** :)  
  
**Aoko-san:** o(*>ω<*)o  
  


Keiko  
  
**Today** 10:43 PM  
**Aoko:** Aoko thinks that Kaito has a crush on Hakuba-kun. ✧ (•́⌄•́๑)  
  
**Keiko:**!  
  
**Aoko:** Kaito dragged Aoko all the way to Osaka just to meet Hakuba-kun's friend. ✧ (•́⌄•́๑)  
  
**Aoko:** so Aoko is fairly certain that Bakaito is being a jealous _baka_ again. ✧ (•́⌄•́๑)  
  
**Keiko:** oh wow, all the way to Osaka???  
  
**Aoko:** yes!!! He also paid for both train tickets!!  
  
**Aoko:** he didn't even fake-complained that Aoko should pay him back!!  
  
**Keiko:**!!!!  
  
**Keiko:** this needs further investigation!!  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko agrees, which is why Aoko and Bakaito and Hakuba-kun are going for ice-cream tomorrow!  
  
**Keiko:** tell me how it goes!  
  
**Aoko:** sure! If Bakaito really likes Hakuba-kun then we need to plan, because Bakaito will never do anything about it otherwise!  
  
**Aoko:** but luckily for him, Aoko has decided to help him out! <(￣︶￣)>  
  
**Keiko:** all right, keep me updated then!  
  
**Aoko:** sure! See you tomorrow morning!  
  
**Aoko:** goodnight!  
  
**Keiko:** goodnight!  
  


[Unknown]  
  
**Today** 7:52 PM  
**[Unknown]:** you owe me ice-cream  
  
**Saguru:** …Kuroba-kun?  
  
**[Unknown]:** who else would it be? Do random people contact you to demand proper compensation for being roped by their best friend into paying for additional ice-creams????  
  


Definitely-not-KID  
  
**[Unknown]** added to contacts as **Definitely-not-KID**  
**Saguru:** I don't mind offering you ice-cream, but I was under the impression that you would rather drink one of Akako-san's supposedly magical brews rather than passing an extended period of time in my presence.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** I guess I'll have to deal with it for the greater good of free ice-cream ╮(•˘︿ ˘•)╭  
  
**Saguru:** I see.  
  
**Today** 8:01 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** I  
  
**Today** 8:13 PM  
**Saguru:**?  
  
**Today** 8:21 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** I guess I'll see you tomorrow then.  
  
**Saguru:** Have a pleasant evening, Kuroba-kun.  
  
**Today** 8:39 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** 'night.  
  


Hakuba  
  
**Today** 8:03 PM  
**Hakuba:** it seems I owe Kuroba-kun ice-cream.  
  
**Heiji:**!  
  
**Heiji:** tell me everything!!!  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Akako-san  
  
**Today** 2:58 PM  
**Akako-san:** It has come to my attention that the persistent problem of your inexplicable behavior might not be magical in nature.  
  
**Akako-san:** My retainer suggested it might be an incompatibility issue, as my charm is built to enhance already present attraction, rather than creating it out of thin air.  
  
**Akako-san:** Therefore I have a query for you, Hakuba-kun.  
  
**Saguru:** Hum  
  
**Akako-san:** Are you in any way, shape, or form physically attracted to women?  
  
**Akako-san:** I ask this not out of gossipy curiosity, as gossip is not an interest for someone as busy as I am, but due to a few more inconsistencies that I'm trying to clear up.  
  
**Saguru:** Akako-san, you are once again not being very clear.  
  
**Akako-san:** What I mean to say is: normally, people who aren't attracted to women, ignore me altogether. This suits me fine, as I have no interest in them either, but if you are indeed such a person, then I'm quite stumped on your flustered behavior around me, not to mention your insistence on complimenting my beauty.  
  
**Saguru:** If I were to make a guess, I would say that the people you've met so far that were not attracted in such a way to your persona might also have lacked in training when it came to their artistic eye.  
  
**Akako-san:** Now you're the one being unclear, Hakuba-kun.  
  
**Saguru:** You are objectively beautiful Akako-san. Looking at you elicits the same reaction of looking at a stunning work of art.  
  
**Akako-san:** oh  
  
**Today** 3:08 PM  
**Akako-san:** this is quite novel  
  
**Akako-san:** I'm quite lost about how I should react to this confession, it has never happened to me before.  
  
**Saguru:** How about I invite you out for tea? I know of a few establishments that I believe to be refined enough for your tastes.  
  
**Akako-san:** I'm quite fond of apple tarts.  
  
**Saguru:** I'm aware.  
  
**Saguru:** I've noted down and memorized the favorite food of all our classmates.  
  
**Akako-san:** That's quite an achievement, considering I am fairly certain you regularly interact only with a handful of them.  
  
**Saguru:** I like to be prepared.  
  
**Akako-san:** That's quite admirable of you.  
  
**Akako-san:** I believe this to be a good sign to further our acquaintance.  
  
**Saguru:** I would be delighted.  
  
**Saguru:** :)  
  
**Akako-san:** (＾▽＾)  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Unusually Untraumatized Child  
  
**Today** 10:03 AM  
**Saguru:** Edogawa-kun?  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** you can call me by name, you know, Hakuba-niichan.  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** it's weird when you call me like that, no-one else does it.  
  
**Saguru:** Ah, very well, Conan-kun.  
  
**Saguru:** I wanted to ask: I am told you're a Sherlock Holmes fan, is this correct?  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** yeah!!!  
  
**Saguru:** Splendid! Then I have a proposition for you.  
  
**Saguru:** :)  
  


Mini-Kudo  
  
**Today** 7:07 PM  
**Mini-Kudo:** I stand corrected, throw Hakuba at me as much as you want.  
  
**Heiji:**?????  
  
**Mini-Kudo:** (๑‾ ꇴ ‾๑)  
  
**Heiji:**??????????  
  


Fussytori  
  
**Today** 7:15 PM  
**Fussytori:** what did you do to Kudo????  
  
**Saguru:** Are we talking about actual Kudo-kun this time or Conan-kun?  
  
**Fussytori:** Conan!!!  
  
**Fussytori:** what did you do????  
  
**Saguru:** I merely invited him to watch a movie here in Ekoda.  
  
**Fussytori:** (¬_¬)  
  
**Saguru:** It was the preview screening for the new Sherlock Holmes movie that is supposed to come out in a couple of months.  
  
**Fussytori:** good bribing strategy  
  
**Saguru:** It was _not_ bribing.  
  
**Fussytori:** sure it wasn't  
  
**Saguru:** :|  
  
**Fussytori:** out of simple curiosity, where you two alone or…?  
  
**Saguru:** Of course not, I invited Kuroba-kun and Aoko-san along.  
  
**Saguru:** A half-foreigner with a local child that looks nothing like them would have looked terrible.  
  
**Saguru:** And frankly I didn't feel like being accused of being a kidnapper.  
  
**Fussytori:** ah, good.  
  
**Saguru:** Ignoring that, do you know what I found out?  
  
**Saguru:** That not a single person died during our outing.  
  
**Fussytori:** uh  
  
**Saguru:** Not one.  
  
**Saguru:** The murder frequency in Ekoda also seemed overall unchanged.  
  
**Fussytori:** well that is kind of unusual around Kudo…  
  
**Saguru:** Conan.  
  
**Saguru:** His name is Conan.  
  
**Saguru:** And yes, it is unusual, I'm unsure whether it was the location that caused it or the company.  
  
**Saguru:** This needs further testing.  
  
**Fussytori:** no.  
  
**Saguru:** You cannot stop me and you won't.  
  
**Saguru:** Because now you're curious too.  
  
**Saguru:** :)  
  
**Fussytori:** ( ･`д･´) !  
  


Definitely-not-KID  
  
**Today** 7:13 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you're a jackass!  
  
**Saguru:** While I understand that is the average reaction I seem to elicit in you, what has specifically caused this sudden need to insult my persona this time?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** the nightmare child!!!!  
  
**Saguru:** What about Conan-kun?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you know very well what's wrong with that one!!! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡  
  
**Saguru:** Are you perhaps admitting to something, Kuroba-kun?  
  
**Saguru:** Because I'm quite sure this is the first time the two of you have met.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** that's it! We're no longer friends!  
  
**Saguru:** Kuroba-kun?  
  
**Today** 7:19 PM  
**Saguru:** Kuroba-kun?  
  
**Today** 7:25 PM  
**Saguru:** I'm sorry  
  
**Saguru:** I was just teasing  
  
**Today** 7:35 PM  
**Saguru:** I'm sorry  
  
**Saguru:** I won't do it again  
  
**Today** 7:31 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** sorry about that, Aoko was demanding attention  
  
**Today** 7:35 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** uh  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** Hakuba?  
  
**Today** 7:39 PM  
**Saguru:** yes?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** are you alright?  
  
**Saguru:** Yes? Why do you ask?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** no it's just  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you sound kind of different through text sometimes  
  
**Saguru:** ah.  
  
**Saguru:** maybe I filter my thoughts less.  
  
**Saguru:** I think  
  
**Today** 7:45 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** regarding the demon child  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** just give me a warning next time  
  
**Saguru:** Alright.  
  
**Today** 7:49 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** and I lied  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** we're still friends （//･_･//)  
  
**Saguru:** :D !  
  


Bakaito  
  
**Today** 7:51 PM  
**Bakaito:** did you know that Hakuba apologizes a lot through text?  
  
**Aoko:** ∑(ﾟ□ﾟ*川 —!!!  
  
**Aoko:** WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME??? (●o≧д≦)o  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 11:51 AM  
**Fussytori:** so...on the matter of KID and the fact that he seems to want in your pants…  
  
**Saguru:** He doesn’t “want in my pants”...  
  
**Fussytori:** it sure doesn’t look like it to me.  
  
**Saguru:** He just likes to mock people by dressing them in ridiculous attires.  
  
**Fussytori:** really? Did he do the underwear switching to anyone else?  
  
**Saguru:**...I...am honestly not sure, one would guess that it wouldn’t be a topic easily discussed among the Task Force…  
  
**Fussytori:** or you’re the only one he did that to.  
  
**Saguru:** Even if that were the case, it still wouldn’t mean that he weren’t simply being his usually mocking self.  
  
**Fussytori:** the guy got you naked!  
  
**Fussytori:** _completely_ naked!  
  
**Saguru:** And I keep telling you he doesn’t mean anything sexual with it.  
  
**Fussytori:** I’m pretty sure that getting you naked while unconscious warrants additional charges other than grand larceny!  
  
**Saguru:**...I have no idea what you’re talking about…  
  
**Fussytori:** sexual harassment???  
  
**Saguru:** …  
  
**Saguru:**...does it really count as sexual harassment if I honestly don’t mind?  
  
**Fussytori:**...  
  
**Fussytori:**...I don’t even know how to answer to that one.  
  
**Saguru:** I would rather he stopped shaving my legs.  
  
**Saguru:** They feel weirdly smooth for weeks.  
  
**Fussytori:** …  
  


Fussytori  
  
**Today** 11:58 PM  
**Fussytori:** son of a fucking dick!!! Why is that guy so damn slippery!!!  
  
**Saguru:** He might have had an incentive in the fact that you seemed ready to actually kill him. I've never seen KID achieve that level of bounciness before…  
  
**Fussytori:** that's it! How was that guy called?!  
  
**Saguru:** …who are you referring to now, Hattori-kun?  
  
**Fussytori:** that guy you think is KID!!!  
  
**Saguru:** It's a _suspicion_ , there is no concrete proof.  
  
**Fussytori:** I don't care!!! If _you_ suspect him, he must be the right guy!!!  
  
**Saguru:** Please leave Kuroba-kun out of this.  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun?  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun???  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori, would you answer your phone for once in your life????  
  
**Saguru:** _bloody hell_!!!  
  


Kuroba-kun  
  
**Today** 6:14 PM  
**Kuroba-kun:** Hakuba, what the fuck is wrong with your friend???  
  
**Saguru:** I'm terribly sorry about Hattori-kun, he's just hot-blooded…  
  
**Kuroba-kun:** the guy tried to punch me in the eye!!  
  
**Saguru:** Again, I'm terribly sorry about it…  
  
**Kuroba-kun:** I managed to dodge, but Aoko tried to clock him on the head with a mop.  
  
**Saguru:** I hope she didn't hurt him too badly, he is a good person, if a bit rash…  
  
**Kuroba-kun:** it's fine, he found a branch and answered with kendo.  
  
**Saguru:** Ah.  
  
**Kuroba-kun:** I think they started to have fun at one point.  
  
**Saguru:** Oh, that's good…?  
  
**Kuroba-kun:** I've a video, I'm sending it to you.  
  
**Kuroba-kun** sent the file **PlaceYourBets.mp4**  
**Saguru:** Much appreciated.  
  


Fussytori  
  
**Today** 2:38 PM  
**Fussytori:** so, explain to me how being undressed by KID while unconscious is apparently not an issue for you.  
  
**Fussytori:** is it because you think he’s the guy you like?  
  
**Saguru:** It’s because I’ve no doubt that there is no goal to it other than wanting to have a laugh at my expenses.  
  
**Fussytori:** Kuroba’s a freaking monkey btw.  
  
**Fussytori:** definitely suspicious.  
  
**Saguru:** Glad I’m not the only one seeing it.  
  
**Fussytori:** last time I didn’t notice because he wasn’t jumping around, but that’s definitely KID-level bounciness right there!  
  
**Fussytori:** also, his not-girlfriend is kind of scary.  
  
**Saguru:** It might have had something to do with the fact that you were actively trying to kill her childhood friend.  
  
**Saguru:** Normally Aoko-san is a very pleasant girl.  
  
**Fussytori:**...with the skills to kill you with one hit of a mop.  
  
**Saguru:** I’ve never claimed otherwise.  
  
**Saguru:** She _is_ Nakamori-keibu’s daughter.  
  
**Fussytori:** maybe we should hire her to keep your virtue untouched at heists.  
  
**Saguru:** I would really rather not see her murdering her childhood friend by accident.  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 2:55 PM  
**Hattori:** are we gonna talk about what happened yesterday or not?  
  
**Saguru:** No.  
  
**Saguru:** I’m fine.  
  
**Hattori:** that was _not_ “being fine”.  
  
**Saguru:** I’m fine now.  
  
**Saguru:** I’m sorry you had to witness that.  
  
**Hattori:** that’s not the point and you know it!  
  
**Saguru:** There is nothing to talk about.  
  
**Saguru:** I’m fine.  
  
**Hattori:** no, you aren’t. Now spill!  
  
**Today** 3:07 PM  
**Hattori:** ohi!  
  
**Today** 3:19 PM  
**Hattori:** don’t you dare turn your phone off!!!  
  
**Today** 3:31 PM  
**Hattori:** answer your damn phone!!!  
  
**Today** 3:36 PM  
**Hattori:** stop ignoring me!!!  
  
**Today** 3:39 PM  
**Hattori:** dammit Hakuba!!!  
  


Fussytori  
  
**Today** 4:15 PM  
**Saguru:** I’m sorry about the other day.  
  
**Saguru:** But I still don’t wish to discuss it.  
  
**Fussytori:** Hakuba, listen  
  
**Fussytori:** you know I’m not gonna judge, right?  
  
**Saguru:** It’s not that.  
  
**Saguru:** It’s more like…  
  
**Saguru:** I fear that talking about it would only have you witness an encore of what you already saw.  
  
**Fussytori:** oh.  
  
**Saguru:** And you’re back in Osaka.  
  
**Saguru:** And I would really rather not do this when I’m on my own.  
  
**Fussytori:** do I need to come back? Because you know I will, no questions asked.  
  
**Saguru:** No, it’s fine.  
  
**Saguru:** can we just change the topic?  
  
**Saguru:** Please.  
  
**Fussytori:**...alright.  
  
**Fussytori:** but you know I’m gonna ask again later, right?  
  
**Fussytori:** ‘cause you’re my friend  
  
**Fussytori:** and that honestly kind of terrified me there for an instant  
  
**Fussytori:** you looked fine 5 seconds earlier  
  
**Fussytori:** and then suddenly you weren’t answering anymore  
  
**Fussytori:** and you weren’t breathing right  
  
**Fussytori:** I thought you were having a heart attack or something  
  
**Fussytori:** so, like  
  
**Fussytori:** you know  
  
**Saguru:** I’m sorry.  
  
**Saguru:** I didn’t mean to worry you.  
  
**Fussytori:** I don’t need an apology, there’s nothing to apologize for, you were sick, that’s all  
  
**Fussytori:** just  
  
**Fussytori:** can we talk about it?  
  
**Fussytori:** like, not now if you don’t wanna  
  
**Fussytori:** but at some point?  
  
**Saguru:** Alright.  
  
**Fussytori:** good  
  
**Fussytori:** now, there is this place that opened recently and Otaki-han said the food was great.  
  
**Fussytori:** so I’m gonna check it out with Kazuha tomorrow  
  
**Fussytori:** if it’s as good as Otaki-han claims, I’m gonna take you there next time you come by, alright?  
  
**Saguru:** I’d like that.  
  
**Saguru:** :)  
  
**Fussytori:** （≧∇≦）ъ NICE！   
  


Fussytori  
  
**Today** 8:02 PM  
**Fussytori:** hey  
  
**Fussytori:** so  
  
**Fussytori:** I was bored and was re-reading some old convos we had  
  
**Fussytori:** and I ended up on that one right after you set me and Kazuha up for that date  
  
**Fussytori:** and  
  
**Fussytori:** uhm how should I put it...  
  
**Saguru:**?  
  
**Fussytori:** you kind of said “I’m sorry” a lot?  
  
**Saguru:** Did I? I can’t say I can remember that conversation all that well.  
  
**Fussytori:** yeah, I counted at least six times.  
  
**Today** 8:14 PM  
**Saguru:** Oh, you’re right.  
  
**Fussytori:** you checked?  
  
**Saguru:** Yes.  
  
**Fussytori:** so...wanna talk about it?  
  
**Saguru:** I would, but I honestly can’t remember it.  
  
**Fussytori:** dude  
  
**Today** 8:20 PM  
**Saguru:** that was a lie  
  
**Fussytori:** I could tell  
  
**Fussytori:** so?  
  
**Saguru:** It was nothing, I just thought I had upset you  
  
**Saguru:** because you weren’t answering  
  
**Fussytori:** did you get one of yours...you know…?  
  
**Saguru:** No, not quite that bad. I was just a bit anxious, that was all, I promise.  
  
**Fussytori:** oh  
  
**Fussytori:** I wasn’t upset btw, I was just kinda…  
  
**Fussytori:** remembering the date  
  
**Fussytori:** and got distracted  
  
**Saguru:** you romantic sap, you.  
  
**Fussytori:** says the pining shoujo manga protagonist.  
  
**Saguru:** I’m _not_ pining.  
  
**Fussytori:** sure you aren’t  
  
**Saguru:** >:|  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Hakuba  
  
**Today** 7:11 PM  
**Hakuba:** Happy birthday, Hattori-kun.  
  
**Heiji:** oh, hey, thanks!  
  
**Today** 7:23 PM  
**Heiji:** wait, did Kazuha tell you about it?  
  
**Heiji:** I don't think I did, so…  
  
**Today** 7:35 PM  
**Heiji:** Hakuba?  
  
**Today** 7:43 PM  
**Heiji:** Hakuba, what did you do?  
  
**Today** 7:54 PM  
**Heiji:** Hakuba, are you getting anxious again?  
  
**Heiji:** I'm not angry  
  
**Heiji:** I'm just confused  
  
**Today** 7:59 PM  
**Hakuba:** I've access to the national database of all high-school students in Japan.  
  
**Hakuba:** I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have looked, I was just curious…  
  
**Heiji:** you could have just asked!!!  
  
**Hakuba:** I wanted to surprise you, did you get the present?  
  
**Heiji:** _what_ present?  
  
**Heiji:** wait  
  
**Heiji:** doorbell  
  
**Today** 8:08 PM  
**Heiji:** did you commission a fucking katana for me????  
  
**Hakuba:** Do you like it?  
  
**Heiji:** holy shit, it has my name engraved on the sheath  
  
**Hakuba:** I had it custom made.  
  
**Heiji:** you're out of your fucking mind  
  
**Hakuba:** Do you not like it?  
  
**Today** 8:14 PM  
**Heiji:** I fucking love it, you asshole  
  
**Today** 8:19 PM  
**Heiji:** but don't think I've forgotten about the creepy stalking  
  
**Hakuba:** I'm sorry, I honestly only looked up your birthday.  
  
**Heiji:** alright, I believe you  
  
**Hakuba:** And your blood type.  
  
**Hakuba:** In case it became relevant.  
  
**Hakuba:** For transfusion purposes.  
  
**Heiji:** of course you did, you paranoid dick  
  
**Today** 8:23 PM  
**Heiji:** you still owe me lunch for the creep factor, btw  
  
**Hakuba:** Duly noted.  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

FUUCDM  
  
**Fussytori** added to group chat  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child** added to group chat  
Group chat renamed to **FUUCDM**  
**Today** 4:10 PM  
**Saguru:** Hello to the both of you, I was wondering if you would be willing to pass by Ekoda this Saturday.  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun, as usual, you're invited to stay over for the weekend.  
  
**Saguru:** And since I'm the one making this request I will, of course, pay for the train tickets.  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** I don't need you to pay anything, you dick, I thought we had this discussion already!  
  
**Saguru:** We did.  
  
**Saguru:** And I elected to ignore it.  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** (๑･`▱´･๑) !  
  
Unusually Untraumatized Child  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** hi Heiji-niichan  
  
Unusually Untraumatized Child  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** hi Hakuba-niichan  
  
**Saguru:** Hello, Conan-kun.  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** Kudo, tell him something!!!  
  
**Saguru:** His name is Conan.  
  
Unusually Untraumatized Child  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** my name is Conan, Heiji-niichan!  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** asdjfhfdkjshs  
  
Unusually Untraumatized Child  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** Hakuba-niichan, how come you're inviting us to Ekoda?  
  
**Saguru:** Ah, yes. You remember the experiment I mentioned to you?  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** dammit Hakuba!!!!  
  
Unusually Untraumatized Child  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** the one you needed to be in Beika for?  
  
**Saguru:** Yes, as it turns out I now have enough data in that specific location, and I'm moving over to Ekoda to see if the phenomenon remains consistent or if there are notable differences in pattern and frequency.  
  
Unusually Untraumatized Child  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** …I see?  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** HAKUBA!!!!!  
  
**Saguru:** Remember the lack of negative results from the last time, Hattori-kun.  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** …  
  
Unusually Untraumatized Child  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:**?  
  
**Saguru:** You're both invited to lunch. I've at ready a list of places both teenagers and children might enjoy. You may pick whichever you like.  
  
**Saguru:** It is, of course, my treat.  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** fine!!!  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** you're fucking obsessive, you know that, right???  
  
**Saguru:** I've been told that before, yes.  
  
**Today** 4:23 PM  
**Saguru:** Conan-kun? What about you? Would you like to come?  
  
Unusually Untraumatized Child  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** I'm not sure…  
  
**Saguru:** We may talk more about Sherlock Holmes, it's easier to discuss certain things in person.  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** (¬_¬)  
  
Unusually Untraumatized Child  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** I guess it's alright, I don't have any other plans... (,,・.・,,)  
  
Unusually Untraumatized Child  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** but I'll have to ask Ran-neechan about it.  
  
**Saguru:** Of course, I will be waiting for confirmation then.  
  
**Today** 4:29 PM  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** what's up with the group’s name anyway?  
  
**Saguru:** Ah that, nevermind that.  
  
**Saguru:** It's merely the acronym I use for my experiment.  
  
Fussytori  
**Fussytori:** (¬_¬)  
  


Hakuba  
  
**Today** 4:33 PM  
**Hakuba:** How do you feel about meeting Saturday afternoon?  
  
**Kaito:** uh?  
  
**Kaito:** that's unusual coming from you  
  
**Kaito:** I guess I can make time ┐(￣∀￣)┌  
  
**Hakuba:** Splendid!!!  
  
**Hakuba:** :D  
  
**Kaito:** (,,・.・,,)  
  
**Today** 4:38 PM  
**Hakuba:** To be perfectly clear, ideally there are gonna be Hattori-kun and Conan-kun as well.  
  
**Hakuba:** I need the three of you in the same location to compare data.  
  
**Kaito:** then I fucking refuse! <(｀^´)>  
  
**Kaito:** trying to bait me with the promise of your company and then betraying me like that!  
  
**Kaito:** for shame, Hakuba! For shame!  
  
**Today** 4:41 PM  
**Hakuba:** …Kuroba-kun?  
  
**Kaito:** what? <(｀^´)>  
  
**Hakuba:** did you  
  
**Today** 4:44 PM  
**Kaito:** what?  
  
**Kaito:** Hakuba?  
  
**Today** 4:48 PM  
**Hakuba:** no it's just  
  
**Hakuba:** for an instant it sounded like you were looking forward to passing the afternoon with me  
  
**Hakuba:** but I'm sure I'm mistaken  
  
**Hakuba:** please disregard what I just said  
  
**Today** 4:56 PM  
**Kaito:** what if I did?  
  
**Hakuba:**!  
  
**Kaito:** I mean  
  
**Kaito:** hang out with me  
  
**Kaito:** or something （//･_･//)  
  
**Today** 5:01 PM  
**Hakuba:** I'll make sure to ditch Hattori-kun and Conan-kun after lunch.  
  
**Hakuba:** I'm sure they'll find a way to entertain themselves.  
  
**Kaito:** 。（＞ω＜。）（。＞ω＜）。  
  


Hakuba  
  
**Today** 5:06 PM  
**Hakuba:** Hattori-kun?  
  
**Heiji:** uhm?  
  
**Hakuba:** I wanted to warn you. I’ve an unexpected engagement for Saturday afternoon, so I fear I will have to leave you and Conan-kun to entertain yourselves for a few hours. The plans for lunch, of course, still remain valid, and we can meet again later.  
  
**Hakuba:** Is it alright with you?  
  
**Heiji:** sure, not a problem.  
  
**Heiji:** is something wrong though?  
  
**Hakuba:** No, not quite that.  
  
**Today** 5:11 PM  
**Hakuba:** I’m not sure how to describe it, I’m honestly still a bit bewildered.  
  
**Heiji:** use your words, I’m not going anywhere  
  
**Today** 5:18 PM  
**Hakuba:** I asked Kuroba-kun if he wanted to come as well. Initially he seemed in favor, but when I mentioned that you and Conan-kun would be there as well, he retracted his decision.  
  
**Hakuba:** he  
  
**Hakuba:** uhm  
  
**Hakuba:** He admitted to wanting to spend time with me specifically.  
  
**Hakuba:** like  
  
**Hakuba:** the two of us?  
  
**Hakuba:** and I’ve no idea where this is coming from  
  
**Hakuba:** It pleases me, of course.  
  
**Hakuba:** But I’ve no idea what is going on.  
  
**Heiji:** Hakuba  
  
**Hakuba:** What?  
  
**Heiji:** Hakuba  
  
**Hakuba:** What?  
  
**Heiji:** seriously?  
  
**Hakuba:**????  
  
**Heiji:** oh, for fuck’s sake!  
  


Bakaito  
  
**Today** 5:08 PM  
**Bakaito:** so, hey, it turns out I’m busy Saturday afternoon  
  
**Bakaito:** so I’m gonna come by for dinner instead, alright?  
  
**Aoko:** are you ditching Aoko again, Bakaito? (￣、￣)  
  
**Bakaito:** I just told you I’m coming later!!!  
  
**Aoko:** at least this time you had the decency to warn! ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌  
  
**Today** 5:12 PM  
**Aoko:** so?  
  
**Aoko:** what does Bakaito have to do that it’s so important?  
  
**Today** 5:16 PM  
**Aoko:** Bakaito?  
  
**Today** 5:20 PM  
**Aoko:** Kaito?  
  
**Today** 5:25 PM  
**Bakaito:** ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄  
  
**Aoko:** Σ░(꒪Δ꒪ ))))  
  
**Aoko:** I’M COMING OVER!!!  
  


Keiko  
  
**Today** 6:21 PM  
**Aoko:** so, the good news is that Bakaito definitely has a crush on Hakuba-kun!  
  
**Keiko:**!!!!  
  
**Aoko:** and Bakaito and Hakuba-kun are going on a Not-Date on Saturday.  
  
**Keiko:** (/^▽^)/:･ﾟ✧  
  
**Aoko:** the bad news is that this is Bakaito and so Aoko is worried that he might do something dumb in an attempt at making himself look cooler.  
  
**Keiko:** with Kaito-kun there is always that danger. ( ･ั﹏･ั)  
  
**Aoko:** ( ･ั﹏･ั)  
  
**Today** 6:26 PM  
**Keiko:**!  
  
**Keiko:** I’ve an idea!  
  
**Keiko:** but I can’t do it because I’ve to babysit my cousin on Saturday.  
  
**Keiko:** so, it’s all up to you, Aoko!  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko is listening!  
  
**Keiko:** so, we’re worried that Kaito-kun is gonna mess it up, right?  
  
**Keiko:** so the obvious solution, as his good friends, would be to follow him and intervene in case it looks like the situation is turning for the worse!  
  
**Aoko:** ha-ha! (๑•̀ ᴗ•́)و ✧  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko will make sure to keep a close eye on the both of them!  
  
**Keiko:** Great! I’m gonna keep my phone close by in case you need help.  
  
**Keiko:** (๑•̀ ᴗ•́)و ✧  
  
**Aoko:** (๑•̀ ᴗ•́)و ✧  
  


Hattori  
  
**Today** 5:25 PM  
**Heiji:** Kudo  
  
**Conan:** what now?  
  
**Heiji:** I need your help  
  
**Conan:** (¬＿¬)  
  


Not-Stalking Because Stalking is Illegal  
  
**Today** 3:02 PM  
**Keiko** added to group chat  
**Hattori-kun** added to group chat  
**KID Killer** added to group chat  
Group chat renamed to  
**Not-Stalking Because Stalking is Illegal**  
Keiko  
**Keiko:** hello?  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** uh, hi?  
  
KID Killer  
**KID Killer:** hi!!!  
  
**Aoko:** Keiko! Keiko!!!  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko found out that we aren’t the only ones stalking Bakaito and Hakuba-kun!  
  
**Aoko:** these are Hattori Heiji-kun and Edogawa Conan-kun!  
  
**Aoko:** Hattori-kun is Hakuba-kun’s friend.  
  
**Aoko:** you know.  
  
**Aoko:** the one from Osaka!  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:** ooohh! _That_ one!  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** hey! What’s that supposed to mean???  
  
**Aoko:** shush! Hattori-kun! It was a compliment! You made Bakaito jealous! (๑•̀ ᴗ•́) ✧  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** (・_・ヾ  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:** I’m Momoi Keiko. I’m Aoko and Kaito-kun’s friend, and Hakuba-kun’s classmate.  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:** nice to meet you!  
  
KID Killer  
**KID Killer:** nice to meet you, Momoi-neechan!  
  
**Aoko:** Conan-kun is the KID Killer! (๑•̀ ᴗ•́) ✧  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:** oh, I thought his name sounded familiar!  
  
KID Killer  
**KID Killer:** (,,・.・,,)  
  
**Aoko:** don’t be shy, Conan-kun! Aoko thinks that you’re a remarkable citizen already! (๑•̀ ᴗ•́) ✧  
  
KID Killer  
**KID Killer:** (,,・.・,,) hum, you’re Nakamori-keibu’s daughter, right?  
  
**Aoko:** yes! Thank you for always helping Aoko’s dad against that scoundrel thief! (๑•̀ ᴗ•́) ✧  
  
KID Killer  
**KID Killer:** (,,・.・,,)  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** ohi, aren’t we here for something else???  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** we’re gonna lose those two if we get stuck in chatting!  
  
**Aoko:** ah! You're right!  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:** go! Go! Go!  
  
**Today** 3:16 PM  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** I can't hear anything from here!!!  
  
KID Killer  
**KID Killer:** don't they look like they're bickering?  
  
**Aoko:** what kind of bickering? Aoko can't see well from her position!  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** bickering is bickering  
  
KID Killer  
**KID Killer:** the same kind that Heiji-niichan and Kazuha-neechan do.  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** (๑･`▱´･๑) !  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:** and Kazuha-san is…?  
  
KID Killer  
**KID Killer:** Heiji-niichan's girlfriend! (´｡• ω •｡`)  
  
**Aoko:** (๑•̀ ᴗ•́) ✧  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:** (๑•̀ ᴗ•́) ✧  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** (,,・.・,,)  
  
**Today** 3:22 PM  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** holy shit!!!  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:**!  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** what the fuck!!!!  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** are you seeing this????  
  
**Aoko:** ∑(ﾟ□ﾟ*川 ━━ !!!!!  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:** what's going on????  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** Hakuba!!!  
  
**Aoko:** (*/▽＼*)  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:** what?????  
  
**Aoko:** Hakuba-kun is laughing!!!!!  
  
Keiko  
**Keiko:**!!!!!!!!  
  
KID Killer  
**KID Killer:** I think he's laughing at Kuroba-niichan though.  
  
**Aoko:** Hakuba-kun never laughs at anyone.  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** I think he's laughing _because_ of Kuroba  
  
**Aoko:** (๑•̀ ᴗ•́) ✧  
  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** wait, they're moving again  
  
**Today** 3:31 PM  
Hattori-kun  
**Hattori-kun:** is that a…  
  
**Aoko:** this is perfect!!!  
  
**Aoko:** Hakuba-kun is a genius!!!! (๑•̀ ᴗ•́)و ✧  
  
**Aoko:** I'm sending you a picture now, Keiko!  
  
**Aoko:** it's that place! You know, that place!!!  
  
**Aoko** sent the file **OhLookAtHowManyTimesBakaitoIs  
GonnaNeedHelpFromHakubaKunsStrongArms.jpg**  
Keiko  
**Keiko:**!!!!  
  


Definitely-not-KID  
  
**Today** 5:59 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you're an asshole!  
  
**Saguru:** :O  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** don't look at me with that tone of emoticon!!!  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you know very well why I'm saying it!!!!  
  
**Saguru:** Alas, my ability to recollect events must be having some trouble today.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** the ice-skating, you dick!!! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡  
  
**Saguru:** What about it?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** it was bullshit, it's what it was!!!  
  
**Saguru:** But now you can at least ice-skate passably, right?  
  
**Saguru:** It will be helpful if you ever need to make your escape on a sheet of ice.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** what are you trying to imply now? (¬＿¬)  
  
**Saguru:** I am, of course, talking about escaping Aoko-san and her Mop of Justice.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** (¬＿¬)  
  
**Saguru:** :)  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 1:02 AM  
**Saguru:** May I say that green really looks lovely on you?  
  
**Fussytori:** f y  
  
**Saguru:** It really brings out your eyes.  
  
**Fussytori:** f y  
  
**Fussytori:** and fuck that thief! What did I do to deserve this???  
  
**Saguru:** You tried to murder him twice.  
  
**Saguru:** Once in his private life.  
  
**Saguru:** You should be happy it was only a dress, I’ve seen him do worse.  
  
**Saguru:** There was no glitter to begin with…  
  
**Saguru:** Or glue…  
  
**Saguru:** Or semi-permanent paint…  
  
**Fussytori:** that’s it! Next time I’m bringing his not-girlfriend along!!!!  
  
**Saguru:** Please don’t, Aoko-san’s been subjected to his sleeping gas enough times already.  
  
**Fussytori:** dude, you get knocked out basically at every heist you go…  
  
**Saguru:** Again, I don’t mind?  
  
**Fussytori:** if you’re worried about permanent damage to her, then you should do the same about yourself!  
  
**Saguru:** It’s not that...there is no permanent damage.  
  
**Saguru:** I’m reasonably sure of it.  
  
**Fussytori:**...dude…  
  
**Saguru:** I haven’t checked, but neither me nor any other member of the Task Force seems to have suffered any issues to our nervous system so far...  
  
**Fussytori:** Hakuba.  
  
**Fussytori:** for fuck’s sake.  
  
**Fussytori:** get yourself checked out.  
  
**Saguru:** …  
  
**Fussytori:** …  
  
**Saguru:** Fine.  
  


Fussytori  
  
**Today** 4:03 PM  
**Saguru:** There is no permanent damage.  
  
**Fussytori:** good.  
  
**Saguru:** Nakamori-keibu found out about the check-up.  
  
**Saguru:** Apparently all other members of the Task Force do it regularly, and I ended up meeting him there by pure chance.  
  
**Saguru:** He scolded me because I didn’t do it sooner.  
  
**Fussytori:** good.  
  



	10. Chapter 10

Unusually Untraumatized Child  
  
**Today** 4:17 PM  
**Saguru:** hello, Conan-kun. I was told that if one wanted to contact one Kudo Shinichi-kun, they should refer to you.  
  
**Saguru:** Is this correct?  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** hi Hakuba-niichan.  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** yes?  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** I sometimes talk to Shinichi-niichan, why?  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun keeps mentioning him, and his continuous claims that you two are very similar made me realize I wouldn't mind making his acquaintance.  
  
**Saguru:** Since I believe you and me get along pretty well, it stands to reason that I would get along with Kudo-kun as well.  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** uh  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** I don't know about giving Shinichi-niichan's contact around like that.  
  
**Unusually Untraumatized Child:** I'll ask him?  
  
**Saguru:** Of course, this is only if he might be interested as well.  
  


Hattori  
  
**Today** 4:25 PM  
**Conan:** Hakuba asked for Shinichi's contact  
  
**Hattori:**!  
  
**Conan:** I'm gonna guess you didn't know anything about it  
  
**Hattori:** asdfjfhsjahsj  
  
**Hattori:** no!!!  
  
**Hattori:** the guy is like that  
  
**Hattori:** he gets an idea that he deems "brilliant" and he kinda goes with it without asking anyone else's opinion  
  
**Conan:** I have no idea why he would want to talk to me  
  
**Conan:** I mean, me _me_  
  
**Conan:** do you think he suspects something?  
  
**Hattori:** about you being cut down four times too short?  
  
**Hattori:** na.  
  
**Hattori:** Hakuba is smart, but he's also weirdly clueless and awkward?  
  
**Hattori:** if he asked you directly instead of sniping at me for keeping your downsizing a secret, then he's probably sincere about it  
  
**Hattori:** also, seriously, it's not like normal people would assume anything like this was possible.  
  
**Hattori:** I only know of it because you flat out admitted to it like an idiot after I caught you impersonating me.  
  
**Conan:** hey!!  
  
**Conan:** and I _do_ have my reasons to be worried about Hakuba!  
  
**Conan:** sometimes he believes weird stuff  
  
**Conan:** like, at one point he seemed to imply that he thinks Ekoda attracts supernatural phenomena!  
  
**Conan:** it wouldn't be weird for him to think that I got shrunk into a child!  
  
**Hattori:** Kudo  
  
**Hattori:** Kudo  
  
**Hattori:** let me tell you something about Hakuba  
  
**Hattori:** the guy is a mess at making friends  
  
**Hattori:** literally all of his friends had to half force themselves on him  
  
**Hattori:** I had to sneak-add my contact to his phone!!  
  
**Hattori:** so if the guy says he wants to be friends with you  
  
**Hattori:** please, for the love of fuck, be friends with him  
  
**Hattori:** you two are the same brand of nerd anyways  
  
**Hattori:** and you won't have to act all cutesy with him  
  
**Hattori:** you don't have to meet him the next time you're you, you can tell him the usual thing about being undercover  
  
**Hattori:** he will accept it without question. He's that kind of idiot.  
  
**Hattori:** so give him your fucking contact, Kudo  
  
**Conan:** fine.  
  


Hakuba  
  
**Today** 4:39 PM  
**Hakuba:** Hello, Kudo Shinichi-kun. This is Hakuba Saguru.  
  
**Shinichi:** hi  
  
**Hakuba:** Thank you for agreeing to becoming acquaintances. I'm sorry for dropping this on you so suddenly, but given our similarities I thought we would get along.  
  
**Shinichi:** no, it's fine, Hattori vouched for you, so I don't mind messaging.  
  
**Shinichi:** but I'll have to ask you to keep secret the fact that we're in contact.  
  
**Hakuba:** I don't mind.  
  
**Hakuba:** Although I would at least like some form of explanation to your request.  
  
**Shinichi:** I'm working on a case.  
  
**Shinichi:** the short version of it is that it's best if the people I'm investigating don't find out I'm around.  
  
**Hakuba:** Ah, it's one of _those_ cases.  
  
**Hakuba:** Then you've my silence.  
  
**Hakuba:** Although, shouldn't we move on a more secure app if that is the situation you're in?  
  
**Shinichi:** uh  
  
**Shinichi:** I honestly didn't think of that.  
  
**Shinichi:** but I'm not sure where to get one with better security either.  
  
**Hakuba:** Hold for a moment, I've a call to make.  
  
**Hakuba** shared the app **doveyCoo**  
**Today** 5:01 PM  
**Hakuba:** This was made by an acquaintance of mine.  
  
**Hakuba:** He's a bit paranoid on who can access his phone conversations. This should be more secure than anything found in the free app store.  
  
**Hakuba:** It works with the same account.  
  
**Shinichi:** oh, thanks.  
  
**Today** 5:06 PM  
**Shinichi:** ok, why is the icon a dove with a monocle exactly??  
  
**Hakuba:** The aforementioned acquaintance is a fan of a certain celebrity criminal.  
  
**Hakuba:** He seems to think it's funny.  
  
**Shinichi:** that sounds like an interesting guy...  
  
**Hakuba:** He's quite brilliant.  
  
**Hakuba:** But also quite a madman.  
  
**Shinichi:**?  
  
**Hakuba:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
  


Kudo  
  
**Today** 6:42 PM  
**Kudo:** Hattori  
  
**Kudo:** why is Hakuba cute???  
  
**Heiji:** ah there it is  
  
**Heiji:** I was wondering when you'd notice  
  
**Kudo:** what's going on?????  
  
**Heiji:** it's kind of a mind trip, isn't it?  
  
**Heiji:** got me too, the first time I realized it  
  
**Kudo:** he doesn't act like this with Conan!!!!  
  
**Heiji:** Conan is a 7yo child with the head of a 17yo teen  
  
**Heiji:** he's too busy studying you  
  
**Kudo:** he's asking if I want to play scrabbles via app  
  
**Kudo:** what do I do?????  
  
**Heiji:** I suggest playing it in English  
  
**Heiji:** he's gonna win for obvious reasons  
  
**Heiji:** but your vocabulary is gonna be brilliant afterwards  
  
**Kudo:** ashdjddsjsj  
  


Hakuba  
  
**Today** 7:49 AM  
**Hakuba:** Hattori-kun.  
  
**Hakuba:** Hattori-kun.  
  
**Heiji:** someone is excited today  
  
**Hakuba:** Hattori-kun.  
  
**Hakuba:** Kudo-kun is a delight!  
  
**Hakuba:** I like him!  
  
**Hakuba:** :D  
  
**Heiji:** should I start getting worried I'm gonna be replaced by the both of you?  
  
**Hakuba:** don't worry, I still like you the best.  
  
**Hakuba:** :*  
  
**Heiji:** ajshdjdhssh!!!!! Σ(*ﾟдﾟﾉ)ﾉ  
  
**Heiji:** dude! Are you actually high????  
  
**Hakuba:** of course not, that would be illegal.  
  
**Hakuba:** >:|  
  
**Heiji:** adrenaline high then?  
  
**Heiji:** did you get shot at???  
  
**Hakuba:** no.  
  
**Hakuba:** and why would the first reason that comes to your mind for an adrenaline high be getting shot at?  
  
**Hakuba:** that's silly.  
  
**Hakuba:** and also sad.  
  
**Today** 8:02 AM  
**Hakuba:** I think my mind-to-mouth filter is a bit broken right now.  
  
**Heiji:** are you concussed again????  
  
**Hakuba:** what?  
  
**Hakuba:** of course not, how did you even arrive to that conclusion  
  
**Heiji:** just making sure  
  
**Heiji:** knowing you, you wouldn't even have yourself checked out if you did (￣.￣|||)  
  
**Hakuba:** >:|  
  
**Hakuba:** I'm fine  
  
**Hakuba:** I'm merely a bit sleep-deprived, that's all  
  
**Heiji:** dude, are you doing work all-nighters again??  
  
**Heiji:** we talked about those!!!  
  
**Hakuba:** it wasn't work related.  
  
**Heiji:** then what?  
  
**Today** 8:07 AM  
**Hakuba:** I was exchanging puzzles with Kudo-kun.  
  
**Heiji:** (・・ )  
  
**Hakuba:** this is the first time I stay awake all night to play.  
  
**Hakuba:** it's fun.  
  
**Hakuba:** being a teenager is fun!  
  
**Heiji:** dude, go to bed, it's a Sunday anyways.  
  
**Hakuba:** :( but I wanted to play some more!  
  
**Heiji:** bed  
  
**Heiji:** now  
  
**Hakuba:** fine >:|  
  
**Today** 8:13 AM  
**Heiji:** so, does this mean that Kudo's sleep-deprived as well?  
  
**Hakuba:** most likely.  
  


Hattori  
  
**Today** 8:15 AM  
**Hattori:** so, let's talk about how it's going between you and Ran-chan recently!  
  
**Shinichi:** ∑(O_O;)  
  



	11. Chapter 11

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 6:07 PM  
**Fussytori:** don’t think I’ve forgotten about the fact that KID wants in your pants.  
  
**Saguru:** I told you already he doesn’t want anything of the sort.  
  
**Fussytori:** did you know that there are websites?  
  
**Saguru:** What are you talking about now?  
  
**Fussytori:** about you and your thief.  
  
**Saguru:** He’s not “my thief”.  
  
**Fussytori:** his fans sure seem to think otherwise.  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun, what are you trying to imply?  
  
**Saguru:** You’re being maddeningly vague right now.  
  
**Fussytori:** so, you know Sonoko-chan? Ran-chan’s friend?  
  
**Saguru:** Suzuki Sonoko-san?  
  
**Fussytori:** yeah  
  
**Saguru:** We’re acquaintances.  
  
**Saguru:** As I’m acquaintance with her debatable tastes in criminal celebrities.  
  
**Saguru:** I still don’t see how this is relevant to the initial topic.  
  
**Fussytori:** well, last week Kazuha went to visit Ran-chan, and Sonoko-chan ended up tagging along.  
  
**Fussytori:** it turns out that Sonoko-chan apparently just had to share with them her latest obsession regarding your thief’s intimate life.  
  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun, be clear.  
  
**Fussytori:** there are websites about you and KID.  
  
**Fussytori:** together.  
  
**Fussytori:** romantically.  
  
**Saguru:** …  
  
**Fussytori:** there are stories  
  
**Fussytori:** and drawings  
  
**Saguru:** …  
  
**Fussytori:** _explicit_ drawings, which luckily I was _not_ forced to see  
  
**Saguru:** …  
  
**Fussytori:** because while you’re very pretty as far as guys go, being forced to look at whatever mental image they’ve of my friend’s dick would have made me want to throw up more than a little bit  
  
**Saguru:**...  
  
**Saguru:** Was it really necessary to inform me of this particular brand of idiosyncrasies of KID’s obsessive groupies?  
  
**Fussytori:** if I had to suffer through it when Kazuha told me about it, so have you.  
  
**Fussytori:** it’s your duty as my bro.  
  
**Saguru:** >:|  
  
**Fussytori:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
  


Fussytori  
  
**Today** 7:00 AM  
**Saguru:** The fact that KID’s obsessive groupies seem to think that they’ve any say in who either of us decides to bed, doesn’t mean that he wants to have anything to do with my genitals.  
  
**Fussytori:** …  
  
**Fussytori:** good morning?  
  
**Fussytori:** it’s...7 AM on a Sunday?  
  
**Fussytori:** thank you very much for waking me up to share this revelation?  
  
**Fussytori:** and also making me think about your dick, which I remember explicitly telling you not wanting to ever think about?  
  
**Saguru:** “If I had to suffer through it, so have you”, was it?  
  
**Fussytori:**...  
  
**Saguru:** Look at the bright side: if you’ve just woken up, it means there is nothing in your stomach for you to throw up!  
  
**Fussytori:** ಠ_ಠ  
  
**Saguru:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Hakuba  
  
**Today** 11:03 AM  
**Hakuba:** so  
  
**Hakuba:** I did a thing  
  
**Heiji:** should I be worried?  
  
**Heiji:** because you starting a convo without punctuation is never a good sign.  
  
**Heiji:** just saying.  
  
**Hakuba** sent the file **Pretty.jpg**  
**Heiji:** is that a **hawk**?!  
  
**Heiji:** is that your fucking hand it's standing on?!  
  
**Heiji:** DID YOU GET A FUCKING _**HAWK**_????  
  
**Hakuba:** He's very pretty, isn't he? ~♥  
  
**Heiji:** NOT THE FUCKING POINT!!!  
  
**Hakuba:** I'm training him.  
  
**Heiji:** HOW??????  
  
**Heiji:** do you even know what to do with it?????  
  
**Hakuba:** Yes?  
  
**Hakuba:** I _did_ follow a few falconry courses in England.  
  
**Heiji:** oh  
  
**Hakuba:** And to be fully clear, I'm not training him on my own: I'm being helped by a more experienced falconer.  
  
**Hakuba:** In fact, I'm fairly sure he's training me at the same time.  
  
**Heiji:** oh  
  
**Heiji:** alright then  
  
**Heiji:** you sounded like you just went and randomly got yourself a hawk there for an instant  
  
**Hakuba** sent the file **StillPretty.jpg**  
**Hakuba:** Isn't he pretty?  
  
**Hakuba:** His name is Watson.  
  
**Heiji:** of course it is, you fucking nerd  
  
**Heiji:** why are all my friends Holmes nerds  
  
**Heiji:** and yes, that's one cool-looking bird  
  
**Heiji:** happy?  
  
**Hakuba:** Yes.  
  
**Hakuba:** :D  
  


Hattori  
  
**Today** 11:22 AM  
**Hattori:** hey  
  
**Hattori:** would you look at that  
  
**Hattori:** I now know a Watson  
  
**Hattori** sent the file **Pretty .jpg**  
**Hattori** sent the file **StillPretty.jpg**  
**Shinichi:** is that a _**hawk**_?  
  
**Hattori:** yeah, my other nerd friend got one for himself  
  
**Shinichi:** Hakuba?  
  
**Hattori:** yup  
  
**Hattori:** bird's name is Watson btw  
  
**Hattori:** in case it wasn't clear  
  
**Shinichi:** well, Hakuba does have good taste...  
  
**Hattori:** of course you think that  
  
**Hattori:** you fucking nerd  
  
**Hattori:** I'm surrounded by Holmes nerds  
  
**Shinichi:** (〃￣ω￣〃)ゞ  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Hakuba  
  
**Today** 2:55 PM  
**Hakuba:** I was reading some old articles about Kudo-kun, and it occurred to me that he looks remarkably like Kuroba-kun.  
  
**Heiji:** ohi  
  
**Heiji:** are you doing your obsessive researching thing?  
  
**Heiji:** because here is your daily reminder that you promised to stay out of his business aside from friendly chatting  
  
**Hakuba:** Of course I'm not doing anything of the sort.  
  
**Hakuba:** I did promise to refrain from doing any kind of research on Kudo-kun's current situation.  
  
**Hakuba:** This is a thing I do with every new acquaintance that catches my attention.  
  
**Hakuba:** I did the same with you after the Detective Koshien.  
  
**Heiji:** and there you go with your stalking tendencies again  
  
**Hakuba:** It's not stalking, it's information gathering.  
  
**Heiji:** you're never satisfied, are you?  
  
**Hakuba:** No.  
  
**Hakuba:** There is no such a thing as too much information.  
  
**Hakuba:** But going back to the original topic: Kudo-kun and Kuroba-kun's physical similarities.  
  
**Heiji:** ohi  
  
**Heiji:** are you getting weird ideas about Kudo???  
  
**Hakuba:** What?  
  
**Hakuba:** No, of course not. I was merely wondering if they were related to one another.  
  
**Heiji:** oh  
  
**Hakuba:** While Kudo-kun does have remarkable features, and he does have very well-defined thighs, I still like Kuroba-kun much better.  
  
**Heiji:**...I don't know if I should feel weirded out that you felt the need to share your opinion on Kudo's body, feel reassured that you still prefer Kuroba, or feel offended in Kudo's place that you think his monkey clone is better looking than him.  
  
**Hakuba:** Hattori-kun.  
  
**Heiji:** what  
  
**Hakuba:** Hattori-kun.  
  
**Heiji:** what???  
  
**Hakuba:** Hattori-kun, you need to understand  
  
**Hakuba:** Kuroba-kun has the built of a gymnast.  
  
**Hakuba:** He's _flexible_.  
  
**Hakuba:** > :3  
  
**Hakuba:** >:3  
  
**Hakuba:** > :3  
  
**Hakuba:** >:3  
  
**Heiji:** are you wiggling your eyebrows at me???  
  
**Hakuba:** > :3  
  
**Hakuba:** >:3  
  
**Heiji:** OH MY FUCKING GOD!! YOU ARE!!!  
  
**Heiji:** You fucking nerd!  
  
**Heiji:** I'm so proud of you!!  
  
**Heiji:** you do have an inner teenage perv in you after all!!!  
  
**Hakuba:** >:3c  
  



	12. Chapter 12

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 7:11 PM  
**Fussytori:** so hey  
  
**Fussytori:** how should I put it  
  
**Saguru:**?  
  
**Fussytori:** I think that hawk of yours is good for you?  
  
**Fussytori:** you look relaxed when taking care of it?  
  
**Fussytori:** peaceful?  
  
**Saguru:** I do feel relaxed.  
  
**Saguru:** He keeps my head busy, but not in a bad way.  
  
**Fussytori:** good (=^･ω･^=)b  
  
**Saguru:** He's also pretty to look at. ~♥  
  
**Fussytori:** you really like pretty things  
  
**Saguru:** Do I?  
  
**Fussytori:** it certainly matches your taste in guys  
  
**Saguru:** Are you implying that you think Kuroba-kun is pretty?  
  
**Fussytori:** I'm saying he's a twink  
  
**Saguru:** Well  
  
**Saguru:** You're not completely wrong.  
  
**Today** 7:18 PM  
**Saguru:** And yes, I think he's pretty.  
  
**Saguru:** Sue me.  
  
**Fussytori:** there there, I'm sure you'll get your birdy claws all over him at some point (ര̀ᴗര́)و ̑̑  
  
**Saguru:** Please never use that kaomoji ever again when discussing my supposed birdy clawing of fellow classmates.  
  
**Fussytori:** (ര̀ᴗര́)و ̑̑  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Fussytori  
  
**Today** 4:51 PM  
**Fussytori:** so, did you notice the doves?  
  
**Saguru:** Are we talking about a particular group of doves, or doves in general?  
  
**Fussytori:** the ones that stalk you  
  
**Saguru:** Those would belong to KID.  
  
**Fussytori:** I kinda guessed that, I was wondering why they follow you.  
  
**Saguru:** Because KID is fussy.  
  
**Fussytori:** “fussy”  
  
**Saguru:** Fussy.  
  
**Fussytori:** …  
  
**Fussytori:** I’m gonna take a page out of your book and ask you to clarify.  
  
**Today** 5:02 PM  
**Saguru:** I think I mentioned it before, but he’s a tendency to drop medicines on my nightstand if I’m forced to miss a heist or if I attend to one when I’m not at 100% of my health.  
  
**Fussytori:** really?  
  
**Saguru:** Not always, but sometimes he does.  
  
**Fussytori:** uh  
  
**Today** 5:10 PM  
**Saguru:** Hattori-kun?  
  
**Fussytori:** no it’s just  
  
**Fussytori:** uh  
  
**Fussytori:** anything else along the same line?  
  
**Saguru:** He drops tea with the medicines sometimes?  
  
**Saguru:** Sometimes he drops tea regardless of my health.  
  
**Saguru:** And one of his doves seems to have decided that my pillow is apparently a good enough backup nest.  
  
**Fussytori:** ah  
  
**Today** 5:22 PM  
**Fussytori:** and you’re still pretty convinced of the fact that Kuroba is KID right?  
  
**Saguru:** Yes? Nothing remarkable has happened in that regard to make me change my mind.  
  
**Today** 5:34 PM  
**Fussytori:** alright I believe you  
  
**Saguru:** I’m not sure what you’re referring to.  
  
**Fussytori:** the thing about KID getting you naked.  
  
**Fussytori:** I believe you when you say it wasn’t done in a pervy way. Or in a maliciously pervy way, in any case.  
  
**Saguru:** Oh.  
  
**Today** 5:46 PM  
**Saguru:** Not that I’m not pleased by this turn of event, but what prompted the change in opinion exactly?  
  
**Fussytori:** the guy gives you medicines  
  
**Fussytori:** and tea  
  
**Fussytori:** and pet doves  
  
**Fussytori:** like  
  
**Fussytori:** he could be clearer than that only if he actually dropped on one knee in front of you and offered you the jewel he's just stolen  
  
**Today** 5:59 PM  
**Saguru:** I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what you mean.  
  
**Fussytori:** of course you don’t, you thick, dumb nerd  
  
**Saguru:** >:|  
  



	13. Chapter 13

Definitely-not-KID  
  
**Today** 9:29 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** Hakuba, you need to stop doing that  
  
**Saguru:** What are you referring to?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** the thing you did this morning!!!  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** with Akako!!!!  
  
**Saguru:** I've no idea what you're talking about, I haven't even talked with her?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** the blushing!!!  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you can't do that!!!  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** she's gonna eat your soul!!!!  
  
**Saguru:** Aside from the likelihood of any of the sort to be physically possible, I highly doubt she has any intention of doing so.  
  
**Saguru:** :/  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** that's how she does things! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** she enchants you into thinking she's pretty, and then she enslaves your mind!!!  
  
**Saguru:** I don't feel particularly enslaved.  
  
**Saguru:** I find her objectively beautiful, but I don't feel like my judgment is being compromised.  
  
**Saguru:** Not like her group of suitors in any case.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** …seriously? Σ(￣。￣)  
  
**Saguru:** It's like looking at a particularly stunning work of art.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** uh  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** that's unusual…  
  
**Today** 9:38 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** wait  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** I just had a thought  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** but like  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you only think she's pretty to look at but that's about it, is that what you're saying?  
  
**Saguru:** Yes?  
  
**Today** 9:52 PM  
**Saguru:** Kuroba-kun?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** sorry, I was thinking  
  
**Today** 9:59 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** do you  
  
**Today** 10:04 PM  
**Saguru:** Kuroba-kun?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** do you like girls at all?  
  
**Today** 10:16 PM  
**Saguru:** no  
  
**Saguru:** is  
  
**Saguru:** is it a problem?  
  
**Today** 10:27 PM  
**Saguru:** K  
  
**Saguru:** Kuroba-kun?  
  
**Today** 10:52 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** ok I was trying to find a way to word it all nice and properly, but it's been almost 40 minutes already and it's becoming ridiculous so fuck it  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** I don't care, alright?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you can like whoever the fuck you want  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** in fact I'm happy because this means you're at least partially immune to Akako's bullshit!  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** so there!  
  
**Today** 11:13 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** Hakuba?  
  
**Today** 11:24 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** Hakuba look at your damn phone!  
  
**Today** 11:29 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** Hakuba!!!!  
  
**Today** 11:33 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** FUCK!!!!  
  


Kazuha  
  
**Today** 4:07 AM  
**Heiji:** Kazuha!! Are you awake???  
  
**Kazuha:** I'm now! (#｀△´)  
  
**Kazuha:** it's almost 4 in the morning!!! What's wrong with you???  
  
**Heiji:** I've an emergency  
  
**Heiji:** I need your help!  
  
**Kazuha:** what did you do this time???  
  
**Heiji:** it's not me, you _ahou_! It's Hakuba!!!  
  
**Kazuha:** what happened to Hakuba-kun? Is he alright??  
  
**Heiji:** he turned out at my door at 3 in the fucking morning is what happened!  
  
**Heiji:** he doesn't have anything on him!  
  
**Heiji:** not even his phone!  
  
**Heiji:** he won't fucking speak!!  
  
**Heiji:** not even a fucking word, damn him!!!!!  
  
**Heiji:** it's starting to creep me out!!!!  
  
**Kazuha:** I'm on my way!  
  
**Heiji:** thanks, I owe you a kiss!  
  
**Heiji:** you gotta stay with him  
  
**Heiji:** because I got a train to catch  
  
**Heiji:** and an asshole to punch in the face!!!  
  
**Heiji:** AGAIN!!!!!  
  
**Heiji:** ( ╬◣ 益◢)  
  


Hattori-kun  
  
**Today** 7:42 AM  
**Hattori-kun:** Nakamori-chan!  
  
**Aoko:** Hattori-kun?  
  
**Hattori-kun:** I need your permission to punch Kuroba in the face!!!  
  
**Aoko:** what did Bakaito do this time??  
  
**Hattori-kun:** I've no idea!  
  
**Hattori-kun:** but I know he did something to Hakuba!  
  
**Hattori-kun:** it must be him!!!! ( ╬◣ 益◢)  
  
**Aoko:** Hattori-kun!  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko will allow no punching of her best friend before knowing what happened!  
  
**Aoko:** is this why Hakuba-kun is not in class right now???  
  
**Hattori-kun:** he turned out at my door at 3 in the morning!!!  
  
**Hattori-kun:** I'm gonna murder Kuroba!!!  
  
**Hattori-kun:** it must be his fault!!!!  
  
**Hattori-kun:** Hakuba never reacts to anyone like this except for him!!!!  
  
**Aoko:** Hattori-kun! You're not gonna do any such thing to Aoko's friend! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko will hear what Bakaito has to say for himself and then she will allow Hattori-kun one punch if Bakaito is in the wrong!  
  
**Hattori-kun:** o(TヘTo)  
  
**Aoko:** in fact, if Bakaito is in the wrong, Aoko will keep Bakaito still so that Hattori-kun can punch him properly!!  
  
**Hattori-kun:** (☆▽☆)  
  


Kazuha  
  
**Today** 4:34 PM  
**Kazuha:** how long is it gonna take?  
  
**Heiji:** we still got an hour of train, and then I gotta drag Kuroba all the way from the station there.  
  
**Kazuha:** can you, like, hurry?  
  
**Kazuha:** Hakuba-kun is kind of starting to give me the creeps.  
  
**Heiji:**????  
  
**Kazuha:** he's speaking again? But like, he has this weird flat smile on his face?  
  
**Kazuha:** are you sure he's not possessed??  
  
**Heiji:** what kind of flat smile? The polite-boy one or the barely-keeping-himself-together one?  
  
**Kazuha:** how would I know??????  
  
**Kazuha:** I smuggled some omamori on him, just in case he's really possessed!  
  
**Heiji:** he really doesn't need those at the moment  
  
**Heiji:** just  
  
**Heiji:** keep an eye on him, alright?  
  
**Today** 5:12 PM  
**Kazuha:** shit!!!!  
  
**Heiji:** what?  
  
**Kazuha:** I lost him!!!!  
  
**Heiji:** I told you to watch him!!!!  
  
**Heiji:** _ahou_!!!!!  
  
**Kazuha:** I needed to pee!!!! (〃＞＿＜;〃)  
  
**Heiji:** oh (,,・.・,,)  
  
**Kazuha:** I'm gonna go search for him!  
  
**Heiji:** wait!!  
  
**Heiji:** you stay at my home  
  
**Heiji:** Hakuba might come back  
  
**Heiji:** me and Kuroba are almost there, we're gonna go search for him!  
  
**Kazuha:** alright!  
  
**Kazuha:** keep me updated!  
  
**Heiji:** will do  
  


Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men  
  
**Today** 6:12 PM  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** fuck dammit Hakuba!!!!  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** not even my doves can find him!!!!  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** and Yoru-chan’s basically obsessed with the guy!!!  
  
**Heiji:** seriously?  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** she’s decided that Hakuba’s pillow is her backup nest  
  
**Heiji:** ah, it’s _that_ dove.  
  
**Heiji:** Hakuba mentioned it.  
  
**Today** 6:19 PM  
**Heiji:** dammit, I’m having no luck over here either!  
  
**Heiji:** what did you even do to freak him out like that??  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** nothing!!  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** he just admitted to a thing  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** and it took me a bit to answer  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** and when I did he was already fucking gone!!  
  
**Heiji:** wait  
  
**Heiji:** did you leave him hanging?  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** it was 5 minutes!!!  
  
**Heiji:** it wasn’t 5 minutes, you fucking liar!!!  
  
**Heiji:** he doesn’t freak out after just 5 minutes!!!  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** wait, this happened before??  
  
**Heiji:** how long was it  
  
**Heiji:** 10 minutes?  
  
**Heiji:** 15 minutes???  
  
**Today** 6:25 PM  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** 40 minutes  
  
**Heiji:** mother of fuck!!!  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** let me quote myself again “this happened before?????”  
  
**Heiji:** didn't it happen with you before as well???  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** wait, is this the apologizing thing?!  
  
**Heiji:** he did that to me too, yeah  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** mother of fuck!!!  
  
**Heiji:** what I said!  
  
**Today** 6:29 PM  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** why?????  
  
**Heiji:** what?  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** the apologizing thing!!!  
  
**Heiji:** not my thing to say!  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** fuck that!! He’s my friend too!!  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** （╬｀Δ´）  
  
**Heiji:** （╬｀Δ´）  
  
**Today** 6:40 PM  
**Heiji:** he gets panic attacks sometimes, alright?  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** he _**what**_?!  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** why didn’t he say anything???  
  
**Heiji:** it makes him even more anxious!  
  
**Heiji:** I saw one by accident and he went completely off the radar for three days!!  
  
**Heiji:** and then he  
  
**Heiji:** WAIT  
  
**Heiji:** WAIT!!!  
  
**Heiji:** I KNOW WHERE HE IS  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:**!!!  
  
**Heiji:** Osaka Castle, Sakuramon gate, I’ll wait for you there  
  
**Heiji:** we need to get inside the park  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:**????  
  
**Heiji:** Hakuba has this  
  
**Heiji:** did you see his hawk?  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** he has a _**what**_?!  
  
**Heiji:** guess not  
  
**Heiji:** he’s a hawk, caring for it helps him calm down  
  
**Heiji:** there are falconers meeting in the park, he made friends with them  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** oh  
  
**Heiji:** he’s probably there petting their hawks or something  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** that explains why my doves couldn't find him  
  
**Heiji:** predators?  
  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** yeah  
  
**Today** 6:58 PM  
**Hakuba's Terrible Taste in Men:** alright, I’m almost there  
  
**Heiji:** got it  
  



	14. Chapter 14

Definitely-not-KID  
  
**Today** 4:41 PM  
**Saguru:** How is your black eye?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** fine  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** Hattori punches like a train btw.  
  
**Saguru:** I hope it gets better soon.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** it's fine, I sorta kinda earned that one  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** if not anything else, at least for lack of perceptiveness  
  
**Today** 4:46 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** so  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** how are you?  
  
**Saguru:** I'm fine?  
  
**Today** 4:51 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** see  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** the problem is  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** I would normally take you at face value  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** but it turns out you're the kind that both bottles up things and is unnaturally good at making it look as if they're fine  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** when they really fucking aren't  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** so  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** how are you?  
  
**Today** 4:55 PM  
**Saguru:** I'm fine right now, I just came back to my room from taking care of Watson.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** yeah, about that hawk of yours  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** why didn't I know anything about it?  
  
**Saguru:** I thought you wouldn't be interested.  
  
**Saguru:** Since you've doves, and goshawks hunt doves, among other things.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** oh  
  
**Saguru:** Watson is trained to hunt mostly land prey, but he does catch the occasional bird.  
  
**Saguru:** I didn't think it would agree with you.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** no, it's fine  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** I mean, as long as he doesn't hunt my doves, I wouldn't mind approaching him?  
  
**Saguru:** Then I'll introduce the two of you the next time you pass by.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ  
  
**Today** 5:07 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** so  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** about the thing you told me before absconding to Osaka  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** the liking guys thing  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** I really don't mind (〃•. •〃)  
  
**Saguru:** Yes, I know. I read the backlog.  
  
**Saguru:** I'm sorry for overreacting like that.  
  
**Saguru:** I thought  
  
**Today** 5:12 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** Hakuba?  
  
**Saguru:** No, I'm sorry, it's just  
  
**Saguru:** I thought you hated me and that you didn't want to have anything to do with me, and while the first would have made me sad, the second one…  
  
**Saguru:** My brain didn't seem to be able to process it properly and it went on automatic  
  
**Saguru:** and when I came back to my senses I was already at Hattori-kun's home, so I just stayed there  
  
**Saguru:** but I couldn't properly calm down  
  
**Saguru:** and Hattori-kun wasn't around  
  
**Saguru:** and I didn't have Watson with me  
  
**Saguru:** and while Kazuha-san is nice I'm not as familiar with her  
  
**Saguru:** and so I thought I could just pass some time with the falconers at Osaka Castle Park and their hawks  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** aww, buddy!  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you really need to have that checked out  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you can't  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** like, I understand if you felt anxious because I didn't answer immediately  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** but having no consciousness of your surroundings for more than three hours??  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** that's not good  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** what if the next time you end up in danger and you can't get yourself properly out of trouble??  
  
**Saguru:** I  
  
**Saguru:** yes, I agree  
  
**Saguru:** It has never been quite so bad before  
  
**Saguru:** I'll do something about it  
  
**Saguru:** I'll talk to my father about it, I think he would want to know about what happened.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** good  
  
**Today** 5:17 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** also, for general knowledge, I could never hate you  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** you're sometimes a passive-aggressive dick, but that's about it  
  
**Saguru:** you hated me at the beginning.  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** no, I thought you were a dick  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** and a fucking menace  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** but I didn't hate you  
  
**Today** 5:21 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** also there were other adverse circumstances at the time! <(｀^´)>  
  
**Saguru:** Are you implying something again, Kuroba-kun? :)  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** Are you detectiving again, Hakuba? <(｀^´)>  
  
**Today** 5:27 PM  
**Saguru:** About that.  
  
**Saguru:** Can we clear the air about that as well?  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** …what do you mean?  
  
**Saguru:** About Kaitou KID  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** Hakuba, we'd that discussion already…  
  
**Saguru:** no  
  
**Saguru:** listen  
  
**Saguru:** I just  
  
**Definitely-not-KID:** Hakuba?  
  
**Today** 5:31 PM  
**Saguru:** I want to tell you what I think about Kaitou KID. I want to tell you what I believe the current situation with him to be.  
  
**Saguru:** I don't demand for you to either confirm or deny any of it.  
  
**Saguru:** I just want you to listen.  
  
**Today** 5:42 PM  
**Definitely-not-KID:** come by my house, we can't do this through phone.  
  
**Saguru:** I'll be there in ten minutes.  
  


Keiko  
  
**Today** 6:01 PM  
**Aoko:** Keiko!!!  
  
**Aoko:** Keiko!!!!  
  
**Keiko:**?  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko just saw Hakuba-kun enter Kaito's house!!!! ε٩(๑> ₃ <)۶з  
  
**Keiko:** at this hour???  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko thinks she's never seen Hakuba-kun at Kaito's before!!!!  
  
**Keiko:**!!!!  
  
**Keiko:** this is highly suspicious!!!  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko's moving to the other room to see if she can peek inside.  
  
**Today** 6:08 PM  
**Aoko:** uuuuh!  
  
**Keiko:** what????  
  
**Aoko:** Hakuba-kun and Kaito are talking  
  
**Aoko:** it looks very serious  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko doesn't like the way Kaito looks  
  
**Aoko:** he looks nervous  
  
**Aoko:** also scared  
  
**Aoko:** Kaito is never scared, maybe Aoko should intervene.  
  
**Keiko:** that doesn't sound good!  
  
**Keiko:** ｡ﾟ･ (>﹏<) ･ﾟ｡  
  
**Keiko:** what about Hakuba-kun?  
  
**Aoko:** he still looks serious, but not threatening serious?  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko's no idea why Kaito has that look on his face  
  
**Aoko:** should Aoko intervene?  
  
**Today** 6:13 PM  
**Aoko:** Hakuba-kun's finished talking  
  
**Aoko:** Kaito still looks scared  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko doesn't like it  
  
**Aoko:** Kaito shouldn't look like that!  
  
**Today** 6:19 PM  
**Aoko:** oh  
  
**Keiko:** what? What's happening?  
  
**Aoko:** Aoko isn't sure  
  
**Aoko:** Hakuba-kun looks sad now  
  
**Aoko:** dejected?  
  
**Aoko:** should Aoko intervene?  
  
**Keiko:** no, it doesn't sound like they need it so far.  
  
**Keiko:** if it's still like that tomorrow, we'll treat them both to ice-cream.  
  
**Today** 6:23 PM  
**Aoko:** oh no!!!!  
  
**Aoko:** Hakuba-kun is leaving the room!!!  
  
**Keiko:**!!  
  
**Aoko:** no wait!!!!!!!  
  
**Aoko:** KAITO STOPPED HIM!!!!  
  
**Aoko:** uuuuugggghhh!!!!!!  
  
**Aoko:** this is frustrating!!!! Aoko wants to know what they're saying!!!  
  
**Keiko:** (-ω-、)ヾ(￣ω￣ )  
  
**Today** 6:27 PM  
**Aoko:** THEY'RE TALKING AGAIN!!!!  
  
**Aoko:** AND KAITO STILL HAS THAT SCARED FACE!!!!!!  
  
**Aoko:** ASHDJFHKDHDHSSJSSJS!!!!!!  
  
**Today** 6:31 PM  
**Aoko:** KEIKO!!!!  
  
**Keiko:** Σ(°. °)  
  
**Aoko:** KEIKO!!!!!  
  
**Keiko:**?????  
  
**Aoko:** IT'S HAPPENING!!!!!!  
  
**Aoko:** (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)  
  
**Keiko:**!!!!!!!!!  
  


Hakuba  
  
**Today** 7:11 PM  
**Hakuba:** It turns out Kuroba-kun isn't as straight as I thought he was.  
  
**Heiji:** HA-HA!!  
  
**Hakuba:** Yes, Hattori-kun, you warned me.  
  
**Hakuba:** There there, you tried your best and I wasn't listening when I should have.  
  
**Heiji:** glad we agree on that one.  
  
**Heiji:** so  
  
**Heiji:** what happened?  
  
**Today** 7:15 PM  
**Heiji:** ohi  
  
**Today** 7:19 PM  
**Heiji:** Hakuba!!!!  
  
**Today** 7:25 PM  
**Heiji:** ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE!!!!  
  
**Today** 7:31 PM  
**Heiji:** HAKUBA!!!!  
  
**Today** 7:36 PM  
**Hakuba:** It's terrible when other people do it to you, isn't? :)  
  
**Heiji:** you dick!!!!!  
  
**Today** 7:40 PM  
**Heiji:** so?  
  
**Hakuba:** We had a discussion and clarified a few things. It turns out part of the reason he was holding back is that he wasn't sure where I stood on a particular subject.  
  
**Hakuba:** I kissed him.  
  
**Hakuba:** he kissed back.  
  
**Hakuba:** I think he's my boyfriend now.  
  
**Heiji:** ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆  
  


Ahoko  
  
**Today** 7:08 PM  
**Ahoko:** (ㆆᴗㆆ)  
  
**Kaito:** what?  
  
**Ahoko:** (ㆆᴗㆆ) ✧  
  
**Kaito:**??????  
  
**Ahoko:** ☆*･゜ﾟ･*\\(^O^)/*･゜ﾟ･*☆  
  
**Kaito:**?????????????????  
  


The Witch  
  
**Today** 7:23 PM  
**The Witch:** It's my understanding that congratulations are in order.  
  
**The Witch:** Therefore: congratulations, Kuroba-kun.  
  
**The Witch:** (￣▽￣)  
  
**Kaito:** the fuck???  
  
**Kaito:** would you stop unblocking your contact with your fucking magic????  
  
**Kaito:** this is the fifth fucking time!!!!!  
  
**The Witch:** (─‿‿─)  
  
**The Witch** was successfully blocked  


Akako-san  
  
**Today** 7:34 PM  
**Akako-san:** Since Kuroba-kun is not feeling very receptive at the moment, I will extend in the meantime my congratulations to you as well.  
  
**Akako-san:** Congratulations, Hakuba-kun.  
  
**Saguru:** Akako-san?  
  
**Saguru:** What might you be talking about?  
  
**Akako-san:** About you and Kuroba-kun of course!  
  
**Saguru:**...should I question how you came to this knowledge, considering it only happened yesterday?  
  
**Akako-san:** Of course Lucifer informed me!  
  
**Saguru:** Ah, of course.  
  
**Saguru:** Although I still do wonder why you felt the need to inquire after me and Kuroba-kun at such an hour.  
  
**Akako-san:** (ㆆᴗㆆ) ✧  
  
**Saguru:** Akako-san?  
  
**Akako-san:** (ㆆᴗㆆ) ✧  
  
**Saguru:** Akako-san?  
  
**Saguru:** I don't mean to sound rude, but you are beginning to slightly worry me.  
  
**Akako-san:** There is nothing to be worried about, Hakuba-kun.  
  
**Akako-san:** Congratulations aside, I'm here to let you know that my skills are at your service in the eventuality that Kuroba-kun decides to follow the inadvisable course of action of breaking your heart.  
  
**Akako-san:** He has Nakamori-san in his corner in case you should do likewise.  
  
**Akako-san:** Therefore it seems fitting that I be in yours.  
  
**Akako-san:** For vengeance purposes, I can offer several poisonous brews that will result untraceable by standard science.  
  
**Saguru:** Please don't.  
  
**Akako-san:** (ㆆᴗㆆ)  
  



	15. Chapter 15

[Unknown]  
  
**Today** 4:47 PM  
**[Unknown]** shared the app **doveyCoo**  
**Heiji:**?????  
  
**[Unknown]:** install the app  
  
**Heiji:**?????  
  


Hakuba  
  
**Today** 4:51 PM  
**Hakuba:** Install the app, Hattori-kun.  
  
**Heiji:**?????  
  


Illegal (Legal?) Shenanigans  
  
**The Other Woman** added to group chat  
**> :3** added to group chat  
Group chat renamed to **Illegal (Legal?) Shenanigans**  
**Today** 5:41 PM  
**KID:** good morning, Tantei-san.  
  
**KID:** good morning, Tantei-han.  
  
**KID:** I believe we've some business to discuss.  
  


The Other Woman  
  
**Today** 8:02 PM  
**The Other Woman:** just so you know, there is zero point in the whole cool gentleman thief act  
  
**The Other Woman:** since I had to watch your civil identity's sanity slippage when Hakuba went missing  
  
**KID:**?  
  
**The Other Woman:** don't ? at me, you fucking outed yourself without even realizing it  
  
**KID:** has Tantei-san been sharing his hypothesis again?  
  
**The Other Woman:** nope, just told me about that one dove  
  
**The Other Woman:** you know, the one that "likes to use his pillows as a nest"  
  
**The Other Woman:** except that he only ever called it "one of KID's doves"  
  
**The Other Woman:** you went and called it by name  
  
**Today** 8:11 PM  
**KID:** Tantei-san spoils her  
  
**KID:** she's a glutton and needs to be put on a diet  
  
**The Other Woman:** leave the dove alone, she's no fault for your missteps  
  
**KID:** missteps?  
  
**The Other Woman:** dude, I've the proof in my logs!!!  
  
**KID:** do you? (⸝⸝⸝◕ั ௰ ◕ั⸝⸝⸝ )  
  
**Today** 8:17 PM  
**The Other Woman:** omfg, did you just fucking delete the whole convo????  
  
**KID:** did I? (⸝⸝⸝◕ั ௰ ◕ั⸝⸝⸝ )  
  
**The Other Woman:** akjshadkjh  
  
**The Other Woman:** you do realize that I remember the whole thing perfectly, right???  
  
**Today** 8:24 PM  
**KID:** it's not that  
  
**The Other Woman:**?  
  
**KID:** that wasn't the reason why I deleted it  
  
**The Other Woman:** hum  
  
**KID:** didn't want that kind of info about Tantei-san around the net  
  
**The Other Woman:** you're a fucking creepy stalker, you know that, right?  
  
**KID:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
  
**The Other Woman:** good thing Hakuba is one too  
  
**The Other Woman:** you two match  
  
**The Other Woman:** I hope you've a long and loving future stalking each other for the rest of your lives  
  
**KID:** (ര̀ᴗര́)و ̑̑  
  



	16. Chapter 16

The Other Woman  
  
**Today** 10:11 PM  
**The Other Woman:** anyway, I can't believe you even contacted me  
  
**KID:** Tantei-san vouched for you.  
  
**The Other Woman:** you're whipped  
  
**KID:** those are fighting words, Tantei-han! <(｀^´)>  
  
**The Other Woman:** what did you even want with me, anyways?  
  
**KID:** as I said before, we've business to discuss, and Tantei-san vouched for you.  
  
**The Other Woman:** might wanna clarify???  
  
**KID:** later  
  
**KID:** alas, I'm busy right now.  
  
**KID:** and so is Tantei-san.  
  
**KID:** (ര̀ᴗര́)و ̑̑  
  
**The Other Woman:** I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!!!!  
  


\----- oOoOoOoOoOoOo -----

Illegal (Legal?) Shenanigans  
  
**Today** 15:52 PM  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** so let me get this straight  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** KID has a whole criminal syndicate gunning for him  
  
**KID:** hum-hum  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** people who apparently are searching for a gem that grants eternal life  
  
**KID:** hum-hum  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** which you're trying to find before them  
  
**KID:** hum-hum  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** while at the same time trying to snuff them out  
  
**KID:** hum-hum  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** what even is your life  
  
**KID:** I ask that myself every day ┐(￣ー￣)┌  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** are you actually serious about the magical eternal life gem?  
  
**KID:** not really? But it's not really important, since they think it's real  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** hummm  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **You don't seem as dismissive by the whole thing as I assumed you would be.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** eh  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** not the weirdest thing I've heard about a criminal syndicate before  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **That's fair.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** so, why am I here?  
  
**KID:** Tantei-san vouched for both your character and your skills.  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **What he means to say is that we've discussed our options, and KID-san refuses to get the police involved on account of several factors, most notably both the lack of knowledge regarding their possible compromised status, and the fact that he refuses to put in danger the ones that aren't because of what he considers to be a personal quest.  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **I pointed out to him that it might be beneficial to his efforts to have a few skilled unrelated parties investigate the issue separately, while he keeps the attention of the aforementioned criminal organization focused on himself like he's been doing so far.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** so you two want my help  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **That is what I said, yes.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** by any chance, does this criminal syndicate of yours happen to have a passion for black clothes and code-names?  
  
**KID:** black clothes are kinda hit-and-miss, but there are code-names involved, yes.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** do they happen to be alcoholic-drinks themed?  
  
**KID:** animal themed  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** hummm  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **Hattori-kun?  
  


Hattori  
  
**Today** 4:12 PM  
**Hattori:** in a scale of 1 to 10, how likely is it for there being two criminal organizations in Tokyo both seemingly interested in eternal life?  
  
**Shinichi:** what did you get yourself into this time?  
  


Illegal (Legal?) Shenanigans  
  
**Today** 4:17 PM  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** how do you feel about having an additional pair of hands to help out?  
  
**KID:** humm...  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **Can you vouch for them?  
  


Illegal (Legal?) Shenanigans  
  
**Kudo** added to group chat  
**Today** 4:38 PM  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** hey  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **Hello, Kudo-kun! :)  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** hello, Hakuba (＾▽＾)ノ  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** akhskajhd wow, really feeling the love here  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **There there, Hattori-kun, I'm sure Kudo-kun didn't forget about you.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** he better not!  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** we literally talked 5 seconds ago  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** and it took you exactly that long to cheat on me with Hakuba o(；△；)o  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** Hattori  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** for shame, Kudo, for shame o(；△；)o  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** ಠ_ಠ  
  
**KID:** not that this isn't a delightfully endearing interaction to witness, but may we move to the topic of the day, gentlemen?  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** KID  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** Hattori said we may have a common objective  
  
**KID:** so goes the current hypothesis, yes.  
  
**KID:** he vouched for you.  
  
**KID:** and Tantei-san vouched for him.  
  
**KID:** therefore I invited you in this group chat, although I do not know much about your character.  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** oh, I've actually been to one of your heists before  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** the clock tower one?  
  
**KID:** wait  
  
**KID:** are you the Trigger Happy-san who decided to shoot in my direction from a helicopter at some point?  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** ah, yes, that would be me (,,・.・,,)  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **I'm sorry, Kudo-kun, did you just say _you shot at KID_?  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** I'm a crack shot?  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **_you shot at KID_  
  
Kudo  
**Kudo:** it was not technically at him, I wasn't aiming at him at all...  
  
**Kudo** renamed to **Trigger Happy-san**  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:** ಠ_ಠ  
  


Illegal (Legal?) Shenanigans  
  
**Today** 6:58 PM  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** so  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** differences in clothing and code-name theming aside  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** both organizations seem to have some overlap  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** and as I was saying  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** as far as we can tell  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** the organization Kudo's been dealing with seems to also be interested in something related to eternal life  
  
**KID:** (๑•̆ . •̆)  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **Oh is that how  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **No, never mind, I didn't mean to send that.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:**?  
  
**KID:** Tantei-san?  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **please disregard my previous message  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** Hakuba...  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **it really is not relevant to the discussion at hand  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** Hakuba, you're starting to lose punctuation  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** what did you do  
  
**KID:** uh-oh  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **as I said it's not relevant to the discussion at hand  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** Hakuba!  
  
**KID:** I know this pattern  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **I'll contact the involved party at a separate time  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** Hakuba, what did you do this time???  
  
**KID:** Hakuba, what did you do this time???  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **I didn't mean too!!  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **I just wanted to know his blood-type! Since he seems so prone to get himself into trouble for a child his age!  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** OMFG HAKUBA!!! Your stalking tendencies again!!!  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **it's not stalking! It's information-gathering!  
  
**KID:** no, it's definitely stalking.  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **:<  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** AKJHSKDJAKSH  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** Hakuba  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** _ **Hakuba**_  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** did you do the thing you did with me???  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** the database thing????  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **:( I really didn't mean to...  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** omfg aksjhdakjdhsakjhd  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** privacy, Hakuba, _**privacy**_ , we talked about this, _**remember**_????  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **I didn't think he would be a 100% match!!!  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:**...should I ask what's going on?  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** what is going on is that Hakuba has the national database of every single high-schooler in Japan  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** which apparently includes _**DNA**_  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:**...  
  
**KID:** wait a second  
  
**KID:** _wait a second_  
  
**KID:** _ **is this why you started stalking me???**_  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **I found a hair  
  
**KID:** AJSKLHKDJAHSD  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:** I'm sorry  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:** did you just say you've _DNA evidence_ related to KID?  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:** and apparently didn't submit it to the police?  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **...  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:**...  
  
>:3  
**> :3: **You would have done the same, don't even try to deny it, Kudo-kun! >:|  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** he got a point there  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:** (눈_눈)  
  
**KID:** you know what? I think we all need to take a break and come back later to the actual topic of this group chat.  
  


♥♥♥  
  
**Today** 7:17 PM  
**♥♥♥:** I hate everything about this idea  
  
**Saguru:** They're both on board with helping out, are they not?  
  
**♥♥♥:** this isn't good to my stress level  
  
**♥♥♥:** too many detectives around  
  
**Saguru:** Hummm, would you like me to take care of that?  
  
**Saguru:** ;3  
  
**♥♥♥:**!  
  



	17. Chapter 17

Illegal (Legal?) Shenanigans  
  
**Today** 4:59 AM  
**KID:** gentlemen, it's been a pleasure doing business with you.  
  
**KID:** let's never do this ever again.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** agreed  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:** seconded  
  
**KID:** Tantei-han, I hope your shoulder gets better soon.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** eh, it's just a graze  
  
**KID:** Tantei-kun, regarding your little issue...  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:** you just had to phrase it like that  
  
**KID:** sorry, Tantei-kun, you know I love to tease my critics.  
  
**KID:** anyways, I hope you find a solution to your problem.  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:** I've someone working on it  
  
**KID:** good to hear.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** is Hakuba alright?  
  
**KID:** he's currently attempting to fracture my ribs through sheer force of clinginess alone, but he's overall fine.  
  
**KID:** he's asleep, the doctor said he will make a full recovery and to let him rest.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** oh thanks fuck  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:** good to hear  
  
**KID:** so you'll have to wait awhile before he'll be able to respond to your messages.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** I swear he's even more injury-prone than Kudo  
  
Trigger Happy-san  
**Trigger Happy-san:** ( ￣＾￣)  
  
**KID:** good thing I knew his blood type.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** stalkers, the both of you  
  
**KID:** being a stalker is useful, Tantei-han.  
  
The Other Woman  
**The Other Woman:** I once again wish the two of you a long and loving future stalking each other for the rest of your lives  
  
**KID:** (ര̀ᴗര́)و ̑̑  
  
Group chat renamed to **Detectives Aren't So Bad Sometimes**  



End file.
